I Was Catfished and Didn't Even Get to be on TV

I Was Catfished and Didn't Even Get to be on TV

Webster's Dictionary defines "catfishing" as... Just kidding. I'm not about to subject you to the most clichéd millennial graduation speech ever. But what is "catfishing"? Catfishing is a term popularized by the television show Catfished, in which a person is tricked by someone online, pretending to be someone they're not, most often in online dating. Oftentimes the person catfishing isn't confident that their appearance can attract a partner.

Oh, you'd like to hear my great, relevant, timely catfishing joke I tell at open mics? "I was catfished the other day. I thought I'd been talking to a 90-year-old man...turns out it was just a 25-year-old hot guy. He was perfectly mobile and everything. I was super disappointed." Thank you, thank you.

Catfishing has been a topic of interest to me since I became aware of the show. What was my favorite episode, you ask? Obviously the one where a guy thinks he's been talking to Katy Perry for 4 years. Like...how? But I've never been in the throws of it. I'm sure I've talked to someone who isn't real before, but I haven't planned a date with a catfisher. Until recently.

About 2 months ago I decided I was done with dating apps. I had been hurt and ghosted too many times! But then Facebook advertised an app I'd never heard of, so I joined that instead. I matched with "Matt" almost immediately. We chatted very infrequently over the next 2 months. He wasn't asking me out, so I gave him my number and told him we should hang out. We made plans. We were going to go to a chill bar and talk. We planned a day, but never agreed on a time. The day of the date arrived (this past Saturday), and I texted him to make sure we still had plans. He didn't respond. So I did what any good comedian would have done in my situation. I decided to mess with him.

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This only lasted like 10 minutes before I told him I was just trying to be funny. But he didn't respond. Until today. Now before I make the final reveal (spoiler alert: he was catfishing me), I want to say I do my research before dates. The thing with apps like Tinder, is that it's connected to a Facebook account, and I can normally do some digging to find out if the person is legit. But I was using a new app, that doesn't connect to the members' Facebook profiles. I couldn't find anything on Matt, which in hindsight should've tipped me off, but at the time, I found mysterious. A cute guy with no Facebook to show all of his friends how cute he is? That's hot.

I thought he was the perfect combination of self-conscious and cute. Like he was cute, but not cocky about it.

Today he finally responded to my text, saying that he didn't deserve to go on a date with me because he was crazy and a liar. So I said:

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Now I wouldn't say I've actually wanted to be a victim of catfishing. What I meant by this was, "This will be a great story for my blog", but he didn't have to know that. So I'm sorry if you've been hurt by a catfisher. But I'm mostly sorry that I didn't draw this out longer so I could've maybe been on TV.

Filed under: Dating

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