We Won't Be Friends in a Year

We Won't Be Friends in a Year
I’m trying to slide this post in right under the sad October deadline I set for myself when I failed to write a post in September. It’s very hard to motivate myself to write when I could be playing sudoku or re-watching every season of New Girl for the third time. Let’s talk about friendship.... Read more »

I'm a 25-Year-Old Virgin and That's Totally Fine

I'm a 25-Year-Old Virgin and That's Totally Fine
I know it’s been like two months since I’ve posted anything on here. Please don’t fire me. I’ve been busy becoming a staple of the New York comedy scene. You know, a staple. One of those things that holds everything together. Or one of those things that clings on to others’ success and isn’t really necessary... Read more »

Surviving Giardia in a Cult, and Other Normal Adolescent Things

Surviving Giardia in a Cult, and Other Normal Adolescent Things
You may have read my previous blog posts about my experience in the troubled teen industry. It’s not a necessary read to understand this post, but if you so please, here are parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 of that series. We’ll begin en media res, the best kind of res. It’s 5:30 in the morning... Read more »
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Dear Lorne Michaels, Comedy Central, and Netflix, Please Hire Me

Dear Lorne Michaels, Comedy Central, and Netflix, Please Hire Me
I have lived in New York for 3 months. Overall, I’m happy with my move. I’m making new friends, making some money babysitting, and doing a lot of comedy. Unfortunately, I am not yet famous. That’s fine. I have 2 more months to become famous before I’m considered a failure by everyone I know and... Read more »

Should I Be Scared For My Life? Bumble and the Creeps Among Us

Should I Be Scared For My Life? Bumble and the Creeps Among Us
I haven’t talked about dating in a while, so let’s dive back in. Since moving to New York I haven’t been on any dates. I asked two people out, both of whom I met in real life (2 people in 2 months!?!?! Some might call me a hero), but they both rejected me (I don’t... Read more »

A Life Update, New York City: Pizza Rat is Now My Neighbor

A Life Update, New York City: Pizza Rat is Now My Neighbor
I’m sure all of you have been wondering where I’ve been. My posts went from being infrequent to non-existent, and you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for a new post. Well, I have been busy over the last few months planning and executing my move to New York. Yes, you read... Read more »
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Author Commentary on My Hit Third Grade Unpublished Story: Modeling Isn't the Best

Author Commentary on My Hit Third Grade Unpublished Story: Modeling Isn't the Best
When I was in elementary school, I was convinced I was going to become a published author. Not later in life, but right then. Lucky for me, my best friend promised to pass along my work to his step-mom, who happened to be a publisher. He told me she would definitely publish me. Surprisingly he didn’t follow through, or... Read more »

My Sister-of-the-Bride Wedding Speech

My Sister-of-the-Bride Wedding Speech
My sister got married last week. I decided to make her special day all about me, so I gave a speech. Here’s the video of it: Wedding Speech Video And here’s how the speech was supposed to go: Thank you everyone for coming. I was a little disappointed to discover that this year and a half of planning... Read more »

All My Stupid Thoughts That Aren't Funny Enough to be Tweets

All My Stupid Thoughts That Aren't Funny Enough to be Tweets
Wow. It’s been a long time since I last posted on here. I’m sorry to all my devoted fans who check this page every day for any updates. I’m lazy. So today, instead of writing something new, I figured I’d recycle my notes section on my iPhone. These are some of the stupid thoughts I’ve... Read more »
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Dear Kayla, (a letter to an eighth grade survivor)

Dear Kayla, (a letter to an eighth grade survivor)
Enclosed is a letter I wrote to Kayla, the focus of the movie Eighth grade, written and directed by Bo Burnham. Dear Kayla, Congrats on finishing eighth grade. I know it wasn’t easy, but you made it. You made it past the glares and the snarky comments, whispers and eye rolls. You made it past... Read more »