I consider myself an intelligent being. I can line divide, do basic dance steps, drive a car and write a check.
But lately, I’ve been wondering if my two canines don’t have one over on me because no matter how I try to plot and plan things out, they always come up with an angle I never thought of, that usually winds up costing me.
Take the food arena. If reincarnation existed, then one of them was either a foodie or a san sous chef in a past life. For in the past three years after I rescued him from the pound, he has scarfed down many an item found at the local grocer’s.
Some foods that have crossed his palate are:
A chicken sandwich fed to him by my neighbor who had the cahones to ask me if I ever feed him, a slab of meatloaf on the front lawn of the neighborhood funeral home, an ear of corn that I got out of his mouth after lifting both the cob and mongrel by the stick, an orange peel that I had to tap him on the nose to relinquish it, a squashed Peppermint Pattie near an elevator, and some tuna sandwiches he scarfed down as I bent down to make nice and pet him, and more recently a strawberry and cheese Danish I planned on finishing until it too because history.
But the worst and the most expensive one was the raisin-eating incident. This was when in the midst of spring-cleaning, I sealed the lid on a canister of raisins, tucked them in a bag, put them in a closet and left for several hours to run some errands. They were there when I came home, but when I went for my standard ten-minute daily jog, the four-legged vacuum cleaner had gotten in and eaten enough to make a homecoming cake for a football team.
Now I may not have been raised on a farm or anything or in the city with dogs, but this I know, that raisins are on a dog’s never to be eaten in large quantities list. It is one item in a list that includes grapes, which are merely hydrated raisins, chocolate, onions and garlic. These things can shut down a dog’s kidneys and kill him, or in cases like mine, lead me to large bills at the vet.
After I found his face in the canister with most of the raisins gone, I called the nearest emergency animal hospital, because they are smart creatures and will only do these things after the regular vet is closed. The receptionist said I had a window of thirty minutes to get there.
I had my suspicions as to who did it, but because he and the other dog work as a team, I put them both into the car and told the ssupected culprit that he did a very bad thing while he stood in the back seat wagging his tail.
Once my suspicions were confirmed, he had to spend the next twenty-four hours under veterinary care. The cost? $1,200.00, though I am the prepared sort and have PetPlan pet insurance which picked up most of it without cancelling us over this and some other things.
Beware, they are smart. They can hear a butterfly landing on a tree in the next county and smell a corned beef sandwich being placed on a plate a mile away. Between the two of them, I have had to replace two blue tooths that they flattened, a pair of shoes, part of a Victoria's Secrets shopping spree, papers and one nearly chewed a twenty dollar bill before I retrieved it. But if given the choice, I would march back to the shelter and do the same thing all over again. And they say the animals are dumb.