I Swear

One of the first words anyone learns in a foreign language are the swear words, and it's because they are wonderful.

That is why when I dabble in a foreign language, I always keep myself apprised of them.  They don't require conjugating, they help bridge any cultural gaps and at the same time they let me know if anyone is talking about me.

They also help relieve daily stress and strain, so for example, if a customer is in a Chinese restaurant and there are more than ample hot peppers in his order, he can always swear in Greek or Urdu and be reasonably assured that no one will be the wiser.  The staff may even think that he is just being enthusiastic.

I also learned that they can help relieve the frustration when managing credit cards online, which came in handy when I attempted to access my account after losing the same card so many times that the bank started sending the same card with the same number and expiration date, bless their hearts.

Based on past experience, I knew enough to ask the polite and kindly customer service rep to stay on the phone with me while I tried logging in because I knew whatever password I entered wasn’t going to be ut.

I typed in the account number and one of my go-to passwords, but Herr System said it was already in use.  Of course it was because it was one of mine.  Then I tried the next custom-designed password, but it rejected that one, too.  And the same with the third and fourth ones as well.  The patient and kindly rep then emailed me one of their cryptic passwords that always take numerous tries, while I implored him to stay with me until everything got settled.

Seeing that the system had cast off all my passwords like day-old socks on a bedroom floor, I then typed “F**k you” into the box by way of relaying a message.

But someone was already using that one.  The same for “F**k off.”  Then I typed “F**k you, Mac” into the box and was able to log in.

The customer service rep thanked me for the laugh and said he was going to share my latest password attempts with his coworkers but avoid using my name.

Frankly, my dear, I wouldn’t gave given a d*^n even if he added it to the monthly newsletter.



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