Dear Kind and Loving Chicago Landlords

Dear Kind and Loving Landlord:

I am a former Chicago expat, who went somewhere over the rainbow to the never-never land of Los Angeles, but who’s now returned, and I have a humble request.  Being a living, breathing organism, I need a place to live.  Scratch that.  My dogs, Mookie Moo and Bitsy Boo, and I need a place to live.

So I am asking you to make an allowance and drop the no dogs policy that you have adopted while I was away.  I do not have rottweilers, pit bulls or dogs that bare their teeth at others.

On our daily jaunts, the scenario goes like this:  They see a person; they go up to the person and they lick the person.

Then said person usually asks their names, what breed they are and how old they are while I stand around like their publicist answering questions.  In the past three years I’ve had them, no one has ever asked me my age, name or anything like that.  Period.  End of story.

Some of you have relaxed this policy a bit and only allow one dog.  Well, I happen to have two that weigh around fifteen pounds each.  If I tied them together, they’d equal one mid-sized dog.

(This, by the way, would make a good math question on a multiple-choice test.  “If Gail has two dogs that weigh fourteen pounds a piece, and she ties them together, how much will the two weigh together?

a. twenty pounds
b. twenty one pounds
c. twenty eight pounds
d. all of the above
e. none of the above

The sources say that c is usually the correct answer, and the sources are right.)

Math problems aside, how you can deny us, I do not know.  I am a reasonable, upstanding citizen.  I pay my rent, my taxes, the electric bill and such, and I even return money when overcharged, and the only thing the canines can be accused of being is too friendly, as evidenced by all the people they’ve kissed and all the UPS deliverymen and mail carriers they’ve tried running off with.

So, kindly landlord, we would appreciate your giving us a break before I surgically attach them to one another.

Thank you, amen and over and out.

Yours in Peace, Unity and Harmony,

Gail, Mookie Moo and Bitsy Boo

 

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  • I accept dogs of all sizes & don't charge an extra deposit... I've never had to wait more than a week to rent my condo out!

  • In reply to Phil Castello:

    Call me! G.S.

  • I have to say, if I owned an apartment building I would not want pets in it, either. They stink, they destroy things, and they annoy neighbors (especially dogs).

    In fact, I never understand why anyone would be so cruel as to force a dog of any size to live in an inner city apartment where the thing cannot run around free outside any time it wants.

    Dogs should never, ever be allowed in a city setting as far as I am concerned.

    On the other hand, if you are rich enough to own an apartment building, you are free to allow your tenants to do what ever you want (within reason and the law). So, if you want to allow dogs and all tenants in the building understand they'll be constantly annoyed by odors, incessant barking, and destruction... hey, free country!

  • In reply to publiusforum:

    Just for that, we're going to walk by.

  • In reply to publiusforum:

    Watch out! I will be there for Halloween with more than 20 dogs going Trick And letting them Treat in and around your Apartment building!

  • In reply to publiusforum:

    "They stink, they destroy things, and they annoy neighbors" - I must ask. To whom do you refer? Humans or dogs? People are mighty dirty, destructive, and LOUD. Especially children!!!

    Absolutes (like always and never) are red flags that signify the proponent speaks from emotion rather than fact. There are few situations where absolutes are appropriate. Large dogs might not work in a small apartment, however, small dogs are bred to live in small spaces. Please don't forget that service dogs (example, the traditional seeing eye dogs) are generally larger dogs who do very well regardless of the size of the living space.

    "In fact, I never understand why anyone would be so cruel as to force a dog of any size to live in an inner city apartment where the thing cannot run around free outside any time it wants." I suspect you are ill informed about canine socialization needs. Running around "free outside" is neither healthy nor safe, for the most part. Dogs are pack animals driven to be close to their humans. Before adopting a dog, one should be informed about the unique qualities of its breed, e.g. a canine from a working breed might not make a great pet. However, let's not forget the little ones specifically bred with city life in mind. It goes without saying that many mixes make wonderful companions anywhere.

    Perhaps you are correct, however. One who refers to a dog as a "thing' is better off not living with anything more sentient than a mushroom.

    As an attorney I have received countless requests from landlords asking for advice re: whether or not to allow pets in their buildings. My standard reply is: it depends. If you have done your homework and obtained references there should be no guesswork involved about whether pets will create a problem.

    I hear from elderly people who have lost their friends and family over the years. The only "loved one" remaining might be their companion animal: a dog or cat. It is becoming harder and harder for these folks to find housing to accommodate their needs. As we move away from rigid absolutist views we move closer to a more enlightened approach to our fellow creatures.

  • I'm sure your dog is a nice doggie, but one also has to consider how others' dogs bother the neighbors. My experience is with a condo, but soon you have neighbors complaining that the tenants' dog in the next unit is too loud and barking in the middle of the night; then someone else wants to turn their unit into a motel for transient cats owned by their adult children.

    The only solution was to require that the owner occupy the unit (barring rentals) and ban all pets. In redoing the declaration, the board members couldn't distinguish between the noisy dog, and cats or big mouth parrots.

  • I was empathetic until....
    " I do not have rottweilers, pit bulls or dogs that bare their teeth at others."

    Only dogs that are taught to be mean are mean to others. Dogs that are threatened bare their teeth. mookie or pookie would bare their teeth if threatened. and I'm sure the owners of rottweilers and pit bulls love their dogs as much as you do (or maybe more since they have to soothe the prejudice against them)

    and I do agree with publiusforum to a point - some people do not take care of their dogs (clean up after them, at least try to curb their barking at night) and I believe all dogs should have a large yard to run around and get their exercise - not be holed up for hours at a time in an apartment. Addidionally, any one of your neighbors could be allergic or afraid of dogs. That's just how it is.

    That said, I hope you find a suitable apartment that allows you and your pets to stay.

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