Its that time of year where Christmas music can be heard on every radio station, during commercial breaks from the TV shows that have a holiday theme, and even wafting down from the MUZAK stations in your local convenience store while you browse for the best deals on a loaf of bread, and during this time I normally revel in the music of the holidays, but not always. Because some Christmas music is downright evil.
Whether its the humanity murdering song, 'Christmas Shoes' from Newsong, the rape culture perpetration of Frank Loesser's 'Baby it's Cold Outside', or John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie's stalker horror story of 'Santa Claus is Comin' to Town.' Every single one of these songs is an absolute abomination not for the music, or the singing, but for their horrible, HORRIBLE lyrics.
3. Christmas Shoes
I saved this particular little gem for last because it is the best example of how far we have to go as a society.
Now I completely realize that this is both modern Christmas music, having come out in 2000, and is done by a Christian musical group. Believe it or not, most Christmas music does not have a religious message to it nor did it come out in the last 15 years, however neither of these things will normally turn me off to Christmas music, but this piece... oh this piece...
This song's lyrics are the worst fucking thing I've ever heard. Seriously. They are just disgusting, putrid even.
Now, in full disclosure, I am an atheist (and if you follow this blog you should know based on this post) but this isn't why I hate this song.
This song came out six years before I embraced my atheism and deep within my 'Jesus Freak' period and even then I found this song crummy. Now, I just find it the #1 most evil Christmas music to date.
And here's why, read the lyrics here but I'll summarize it for you. The singer is telling us a story about this Christmas in which he was at a store buying that one last Christmas gift and not feeling like they're in the Christmas mood. In front of this "poor chap" is a child attempting to buy some shoes with a bag of pennies. He tells the clerk he's buying the shoes for his mother who is dying and may need them to "meet Jesus tonight". Then when he doesn't have enough money (which he had just been counting out to the clerk for "what seemed like hours") he turns to singer/storyteller and gives the same story about the mother and the shoes.
This so moves the singer that he pays the remaining balance and the kid is so moved he responds with the absolutely creepy, "Mama's gonna look so great!"
Yea... to die...
But that's not the worst part. That's not what really makes me hate this song. That's not what makes me cringe for our collective humanity it's in the bridge of the song as the child exits with the shoes:
I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love as he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about.
This horrible human being embodied in the singer thinks that God had sent that little boy into that man's path in some effort to remind his grumpy ass what Christmas is all about.
God decided that the best solution to remind this loser of a human being was to strike his mother with some deadly illness while they lived in such destitution that the family could barely afford to clothe this kid all so that the two of them would cross paths and the singer would realize what Christmas is all about.
No. Just no. This is an awful song with a humanity crushing story that has the audacity of calling itself a piece of Christmas music, but it isn't. It's an example of disgusting ego-centrism and it makes the storyteller an asshole, plain and simple.
This is what I think. What do you think?
Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. Our list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.