There are a few times in our lives when we really know that things need to change. We look at the prospect of rolling out of bed again 5:30 in the morning on your day off and schlepping yourself off to the store that you were at roughly twelve hours ago to finish a project you couldn't complete during that previous nine hours you had been there. We face down the possibility of moving on to something else and trying to find some modicum of peace in this life without utterly destroying the financial stability you have established; and we sigh.
We sigh to those around us, and to ourselves, and to the universe, and in some cases God, but in the end we will roll out of bed again on our day off and head into a job that is neither interesting or challenging out of some misguided sense of purpose. Because, I mean, what else can we do?
It's not like we can just quit.
My mortgage isn't going to pay itself, my family and I prefer to eat food, and I like living in a climate controlled environment. These aren't things that I take for granted, I know that the bulk of my paycheck goes to providing for the needs of the family and, if I'm lucky a new toy for myself from time to time.
But I don't know how much I've got left...Something has to change.
My wife asked me last night what I want to do and I didn't have to think too long about it. I would like, if money was no object, to go back to school. Before my current promotion I was taking classes at a local community college in biology and chemistry with the plan to get some training to pursue a new course in my life. I wanted to get a Master's in a field unrelated to my Bachelor's, but I lacked the undergraduate requirements.
I really liked that time. I enjoyed being in school again, but that's not it. I liked having a goal to be working toward and dream.
My dream now consists of doing the same thing I'm doing now, but as a store manager instead of an asst. Store Manager. Yea, really no change to what I'm currently doing, just more more stress with slightly more money.
But school isn't the only thing I've considered; I love the idea of doing something creative.
I would love to have the opportunity to write, or sing, or perform again. I want to be around creative people. I want to plan and strategize. I want to create and be creative. I'd like to write a book, or a screenplay, or a song. I want to turn something inside me into something the rest of the world can take in and explore. I miss this.
Yes, I think the creative arts are really where my passion rises from. They are what I have always truly loved, but I have few, almost no outlets for them and no real opportunity to explore them.
So what do I do?
Something needs to change...