Arrangement Finders, Billboards & Sweet Young Things: Take a Lesson from Beyonce

I could give a flying fig about Arrangement Finders new billboard in River North.


(photo NBC 5 Chicago)

Clearly by all of the publicity, it's already done it's job (pun intended).

People have been bartering, negotiating and selling sex for millennia.  That will never change no matter how many laws are passed or sermons given.

The need for sex---hopefully good sex---is hard wired into our DNA.

According to the Arrangement Finders folks, Chicago was chosen for the billboard because we have the "most registered users than any other city in the country."

That shouldn't shock anyone.  If you've spent time out on the town like I have, you shouldn't be surprised that despite our staid Midwestern values, Chicagoan's are a pretty horny lot.

What did surprise me is the fact that for every male member, there are three female members.

Jesus take the wheel.

I don't have any information on Arrangement Finders female membership but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and make two assumptions:  The first is that a majority of them are seeking "generous" male benefactors and the second is that a majority of these women are fairly young---let's say under 30.

Ladies, before I get on my soap box, I have to commend you for one thing:  At least you realize that if anyone is going to profit off of your "hard work," it's going to be you.

In short, pimps or "handlers" need not apply.

That's the silver lining of this extremely dark cloud.

Now for the soap box part.

My baby pops---may I call you baby pops?---you may think you're empowering yourself and this "solution"  may appear to have nothing but upsides, but selling yourself is much harder (pun intended) than you think it is.

I could launch into some lengthy philosophical and economic diatribe to make my point but let me break it down for you this way:

There are millions or stunningly beautiful and talented women in this world but there is only Beyonce.

If anything, Mrs. Carter should serve as an inspiration for stunningly beautiful women who don't rest just on their looks and make their own money.

Without receiving it for laying on your back or being on your knees.

As beautiful as she is, it isn't (and wasn't) the sole arbiter of her success.  She worked damned hard (pun!) to get to where she is and didn't take any short cuts.

If Mrs. Carter put in the work in the dog eat dog entertainment industry, the least you can do is go to school and work your three crappy jobs to reach your goals.

Don't get me wrong, if that's what you want to do, you're going to do it.  Yet a successful courtesan (look it up) is more than a pretty face and a hot ass.  The Arrangement Finders people themselves have told you that you already have stiff competition (pun intended) in Chicago.

Three women have signed up for every man.

Are you so delusional that you think you're the only pretty faced, hard bodied ingenue (look it up) in the area?  Do you think that your "benefactor" won't play all of you against each other to get the most physical satisfaction for the least amount of money?

Child, please.

Plus you have to keep up your appearance.

The never ending cycle of waxings (necessary evil for your line of work), hair appointments, nail appointments and shopping that you have to engage in as well as go to school and/or hold down a job sounds exhausting.

You know you're still holding down a job, right?  He's not going to give you that much money.  Just enough to keep you coming back for more.

Let's not even discuss what you're gonna spend on condoms.  'Cause you know the birth control thing is all on you right?

If you're really sold on this idea as a money maker, any seasoned sex professional will tell you that this is not easy work.

Let's say you're a one man kind of woman, you may have it easy.

Most of your "activity" will depend on the appetite of your "benefactor."    If he's looking to do things he normally doesn't get a chance to do, watch out dearest, he very well may carry you around like a bowling ball.

But if you're an ambitious woman and juggle several "benefactors,"  I fear for you.

There's a reason why the term "ridden hard and put away wet" isn't complementary.

That's a hard road (pun!) to travel.  In my limited experience, sex is a very physical activity.  I would imagine having to do it several times a week with several different people is a challenge.

And when I say challenge, I mean difficult.

But if that's what you want to do, let the chafing begin.

If  I had a young friend and she came (ha!) to me for advice, I'd say stick to school and the three legitimate jobs you have.

I know it sucks (pun!) and I know it's hard (don't make me say it) but in the long run you're doing the same amount of work without being on someone else's time table.

Another bonus is that you don't have to market & brand yourself against half of your age group in Chicago.   The numbers are against you for landing that sugar daddy that will devote himself  and his wallet exclusively to you.

It's a game my loves, and it ain't easy.

No matter how simple the arrangement may appear.


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