It isn't easy to chase away the darkness.
The angst and feelings of failure weigh on your soul when you are unemployed. Feelings that don't go away despite the best wishes of friends and colleagues.
It's a tar pit of despair slowly sucking you in. The more you struggle to get out, the quicker you sink.
You sit at home because your resources should be going to keeping the basic utilities on and catching up on bills. Then you get stir crazy from sitting at home alone with your thoughts; overwhelmed by your situation.
Your fear and your anger combining with the darkness. Paralyzing you emotionally.
You start to not care that no one gets back to you about your job applications.
You start to not shower.
You don't get dressed for days.
You start not to care about you.
You can't tell anyone because so many people have been so supportive. Now they have to be your armchair shrink too?
They wouldn't understand anyway. No matter how much you put it into words, they wouldn't understand.
No one could fully understand unless they are there, were there or are living with someone who's unemployed.
How could they ever understand the your feelings of helplessness & worthlessness?
How could they ever understand how your fighting spirit is methodically being sucked out of you?
So you hide.
And you cry.
You pull yourself kicking and screaming to apply for jobs and network when you don't have much hope. Because at the end of the day, that's all you have is hope.
It's promise dimming with each passing day; it's glow in danger of being snuffed out.
In the end you ask yourself what will you do when when hope itself is gone?
How will you muster the courage to stare down the impossible everyday?