Unemployment: Ten Unexpected Benefits and Annoyances

Yesterday was my unemployment five month "anniversary."

This is my third layoff in almost five years and its been extremely challenging. And when I say "challenging" I mean demoralizing and depressing.

While I don't post about this layoff as much as I did the first two, I did manage to see both the benefits and annoyances in being back on the job hunt...AGAIN.

 

10.   You have to stop yourself from choking someone when they say the following phrases:

"Unemployment is better than nothing."

*pat on the back*   "You’re a smart and talented girl/guy.  Something will turn up."

 

9.  You become the conqueror of the job boards; the master of LinkedIn.

 

8.  Since you don’t have regular human interaction, you forget the societal niceties like basic grooming and putting on a bra when you go outside.

 

7.  More than likely, the recruiter calling you will be almost half your age.

 

6.  No more calluses due to high heels rubbing your feet the wrong way.

 

5.  Every so often you have to check and see if your work clothes still fit.

 

4.  You become an expert at your “elevator pitch” during unexpected recruiter calls despite the fact it's in-between chews of your breakfast.

 

3.  You become a master at deconstructing heavy foreign accents.

 

2.  You become an immediate expert at interview body language.  Note:  Folded arms across the chest is *NOT* a good sign.

 

1.  Your dry cleaning bill drops significantly.

 

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  • funny stuff. Couple of comments, bra-less is best! Have you become an expert at reading between the lines of job descriptions? As in, "hands on leader/manager/...." really means we are too cheap to pay for two people (one to lead and one to follow - do the work) so we're asking you fine candidate to do both! Most likely more work and less lead....

  • Love it. So true. From a guy's perspective, I would add the following:

    1. Can go 5 days without shaving and it doesn't matter
    2. Can go to the gym whenever you want and see the few other unemployed people with the same idea. But hey, not fighting crowds.
    3. You can have an intelligent, educational conversation with the lucky people who are clueless about what you're going through and inform them of with the term U6" really means.
    4. You can go to all the various "networking groups" and weed out the useless ones (most of them are).

  • I want to laugh but then I don't considering the reason you had to write it (although the bra one was dead-on, especially for freelancers). My entire wardrobe for a year of freelancing was yoga pants and baby tees. I'm sorry about the three incidents though. Best luck at your next job! :-)

  • On the plus side you have more time for exercise, walking the dogs and meeting new neighbors. You have the time to really see your neighborhood instead of rushing through at 7am and 6pm.

    When I was unemployed one fall a few years ago I volunteered for the local forest preserves. I spent a few hours every Wednesday with a like-minded group harvesting seeds from certain wildflowers the preserves. What fun! I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was working.

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