Yesterday was my unemployment five month "anniversary."
This is my third layoff in almost five years and its been extremely challenging. And when I say "challenging" I mean demoralizing and depressing.
10. You have to stop yourself from choking someone when they say the following phrases:
"Unemployment is better than nothing."
*pat on the back* "You’re a smart and talented girl/guy. Something will turn up."
9. You become the conqueror of the job boards; the master of LinkedIn.
8. Since you don’t have regular human interaction, you forget the societal niceties like basic grooming and putting on a bra when you go outside.
7. More than likely, the recruiter calling you will be almost half your age.
6. No more calluses due to high heels rubbing your feet the wrong way.
5. Every so often you have to check and see if your work clothes still fit.
4. You become an expert at your “elevator pitch” during unexpected recruiter calls despite the fact it's in-between chews of your breakfast.
3. You become a master at deconstructing heavy foreign accents.
2. You become an immediate expert at interview body language. Note: Folded arms across the chest is *NOT* a good sign.
1. Your dry cleaning bill drops significantly.