The True Fear of Unemployment: Anger

I have an undercurrent of anger that runs through me.

On most days it isn't detectable to anyone other than myself.  Like my fear due to my unemployment, it is in my best interests to keep it well hidden.

But make no mistake, it's there.

I am pissed off at my circumstances.

I am pissed off that the efforts of someone who bills herself as smart and resourceful have yielded such shitty results.

I am pissed that after taking the time to come in and interview that a hiring manager will go with an internal candidate.

I am pissed off that I can't support myself and pay my bills on time.

I am angry at a system that penalizes the unemployed the longer they are out of work.

I am angry at aggressive and unsympathetic collection agencies who may very well ruin any chance I may have of securing a well paying job by putting a garnishment in place BEFORE I actually have a job.

Because every potential employer wants to hire you with a garnishment firmly in place.

I seethe because I can't pay back the countless people who have helped me financially over the past few years.

Part 1:  The True Fear of Unemployment

Part 3:  The True Fear of Unemployment:  Depression

Part 4:  The True Fear of Unemployment:  Hope

Part 5:  The True Fear of Unemployment:  Epiphany

Part 6:  The True Fear of Unemployment:  Sink or Swim

Ironically, I am also amused at my good liberal friends who lament about the plight of the economy and try to empathize with the unemployed but routinely give money to Kiva.org rather than inquire if you're doing okay.

Then of course these are also the same people who wouldn't ever think to personally try to put in a call to help you secure an informational interview so in the long run their actions aren't surprising.

And I'm downright hostile when I'm questioned about my job hunting strategy.

If you think I haven't tried any bit of advice that you may give me, you're wrong.  Outside of a personal connection you may be able to provide, I've already tried it.

Most of all, I'm upset at myself when these raw emotions bubble to the surface in front of well meaning friends and strangers.  That I can't eloquently express the fear, anger and frustration of unemployment without exploding at them.

Enveloping them in my blast zone of despair with no warning.

Because that's what unemployment does to you; it whittles away at your sense of confidence and self worth until you're left with the bile of failure.

 

 

 

Comments

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  • Stay strong and positive. I'm praying that you will have a job soon! I know that it could be me too.

  • Find a good therapist. Seriously. It helps to talk to someone unrelated to you and completely removed from your life and situation, to vent to someone totally unrelated. You start to learn how to deal with your anger and frustration, deal with being laid off and unemployed and start recovery, for lack of a better term. Suffering a job loss has its own grieving process, and it makes a big difference having someone outside your normal support bubble. Been there. Done that. It helps.

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    In reply to econwriter5:

    Screw you so hard. What an insensitive and unhelpful response. Therapy isn't free and is of little use in securing an income. How is someone in a difficult situation supposed to pay for this? Unemployed = no insurance.

    Besides, this is just another way of personalizing failure and loss that is part of a systemic problem. It's my fault I don't have a job. My own anxiety and frustration over my situation are flaws I need to correct. Well, you can take that philosophy and shove it.

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    In reply to Chris Bonner:

    Amen brother!

  • Lyletta, so many people are feeling what you're feeling. Thanks for being so honest and eloquent and giving others a voice....

  • So many people will sign relief upon reading this. It's so brave and I'm pulling for you, Girl. Crazy people pray too. I loved this blog post.

  • You so eloquently expressed what you are currently going through. Thank you. They are exactly the emotion that I deal with, everyday of my life since I lost my job in 2009.
    Sometime even hose whom you thought are closest can hurt your feelings.
    I have my shares too. A friend of mine, whose career took off and going pretty well for the last two years - I think she's become a bit too cocky. She was rather a slacker during her school days, took eight years to graduate college, took more than a year to find her first job because she wanted "to take it easy" from her "hard" schooling days, finally got a job that she held for three month, then again she was unemployed for...like a year and half. During this time, neither did she look for a job hard or took any job available to her because she claims that she didn't go to college to work at place like retail....now she's a recruiter. She judges people who have a long gap without taking any job like retail or McD. Never mind she refused to take such a job herself.
    I got off my high horse and worked in retail till the company bankrupted last December. Now I've been studying to go back to school to get into a master's program.
    She had a nerve to say "You have this blank and all the sudden you're back to school....I don't know how an employer is gonna look at you".

  • Excuse me for my typos/punctuation errors I made above - I wrote this 100mph!

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