Ladies the sexual bar has been raised.
First the gauntlet was thrown down with Brazilian waxing. Next was bleaching your bum; or at least a part of your bum. Then, as if your sugar walls were defective, this whole rejuvenation craze kicked off.
Those industries are downright quaint compared to what I found in a magazine this past weekend.
Flipping through the December issue of Cosmopolitan, an ad for Masque sexual flavors caught my eye.
Per the ad copy, “Masque is the first product proven to conceal any unpleasant flavors associated with pleasuring your man and his subsequent climax.”
Girls, this is a game changer.
It would be inappropriate of me to ask what ya’ll are doing in (and sometimes out of) the bedroom. That’s your business.
Yet in an unscientific discussion amongst my girlfriends about “pleasuring your man and his subsequent climax” there are very few fans of the "aftermath."
Fictional sexual guru “Samantha Jones” from Sex And The City sums up the experience in this vignette:
(WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK! PUT YOUR HEADPHONES ON!)
Not only will this product alledgedly “conceal the taste,” it’s also supposed to work for up to 15 minutes after you put the strip on your tongue.
Frankly I think this is just another way to get women to perform oral for 15 minutes. The recent South Park episode “Broadway Bro Down” illustrates how far some men might go for satisfaction.
(In the interest of full disclosure, that is now my favorite South Park episode of all time.)
These days if some guy isn’t trying to glaze you like a donut, he’s trying to give you an oral protein injection.
Back in the old days, men were thrilled if they got to second base and touched your boob, now you need to be waxed, bleached, tightened and swallowing.
Geez. I’m exhausted by the prospect of it all.
On Masque’s website, you can look at pictures of their product launch party in Chicago. Everyone’s smiling and having a good time. But you know the question on everyone’s mind. Does it work?
Well does it?