Posts in category "addiction"

Sobriety After 15 Years: More Discovery Than Recovery

I say I’m in recovery when really I’m in discovery.  I never had any of the things I claim to have recovered.  Only in sobriety did I find all the things alcohol promised me. October 4th, 2001 is the day I was granted some grace and I chose to receive it.  All I’ve discovered has... Read more »

Alcohol is a Liar and a Thief

I really only identified out loud as an alcoholic when I quit drinking.  Of course I was one long before that happened, but I didn’t admit it and I certainly didn’t say it out loud, let alone with any kind of the pride I carry today. I had one job 15 years ago.  Don’t drink.... Read more »

You Only Get a Band-Aid if There is Blood

There’s recently been a new rule established in our home.  You only get a band-aid if there is blood.  When you have twins, if one gets a band-aid, the other one wants one as well.  So we were going through a ton of band-aids for a while there because I was a sucker.  Well, not... Read more »

I Will Still Be Here - Detaching with Love with Hope

You can try to punch me in the face with your fists, but I will still be here. You can nail me to the wall with your words, but I will still be here. You can push me away with all your seemingly crazy behavior, but I will still be here. You can cry and... Read more »

I want to be an alcoholic when I grow up

I have this recurring dream.  Just one of many that takes me back to my desperation of being in the throes of my addiction.  I’m in my parent’s basement and in front of the cabinet where they kept their scant liquor bottles.  It’s bound up by one of those plastic tie locks because their daughter... Read more »

Cigarette Burned Gloves Remind Me

As we were out walking last weekend – my little family and I – lucky to be all bundled and padded, my girl let out her primal shriek of I HAVE BOOGIES! Which means I scramble to find something to wipe with, most times a kleenex or a burp cloth but today we were winging... Read more »

What Does a Whore Look Like?

As I stared in the office ladies room bathroom mirror I pulled the three really long eyebrow hairs and deposited them into the garbage.  I stared at my cleavage and reveled in how I still got it going on in the neck and breastal area.  Then I re-applied my red lipstick. Some might say I... Read more »

That's Why I'm Here: On Vulnerability and Courage and Gratitude

Some days I am so steeled against the world, it’s a wonder I even feel the rain on my face.  Other days, like today, I am cracked right open.  So raw and vulnerable that I may not function as a human being but rather just a ball of electric feelings so exposed to the elements... Read more »

Growth Through Regression: The Longer I Live, the Less I Know for Sure

I know I support marriage equality for all.  I know black lives matter.  I know I support women having a choice in their well being and the power to control what happens with their own bodies. I know at heart I lean toward being a socialist, liberal, tree hugging hippie.  I know that addicts and... Read more »

Free for the Taking

I walked into the office kitchen this morning to find this – My immediate reaction was to laugh. My next reaction was to find a bag and a way to sneak it all out. And then I went into the ladies room. And I laughed some more.   I look so normal (I DO COME... Read more »