OH MAN OH MAN. the Sunday evening mom struggle face IS REAL. And it is by far my least favorite segment of the week. My husband and I know it's going to hit every week and yet it still takes us by surprise. Our normally perfect sweet angel babies (SEE SARCASM but only kind of because they are really great kids) turn into crazy hurricane level monsters and we just watch as their heads spin all the way around on their tiny necks.
I say that with love.
There is a point where nothing will calm them and we just watch as they do laps around the house while we just try to wait it out. We try to take them on walks to burn off energy and they just crash on the ground and say they don't want to walk. We try to distract them with food or a program they like but they just whine that they don't want to watch that program that they beg us to watch at all other waking and sometimes sleeping hours of the day and night.
My point is, Sunday afternoons and evenings are HARD around our house.
But even with that, we have perspective. For we always remember that first year. Now THAT was hard. This? This is just silly. Patience trying? YES. Hair pulling out and wanting to eat all the things that are terrible for me? Absolutely. But awful terrible first year with baby twins awful? NO. Not even close.
My kids are the greatest best thing that's ever happened to me. And overall they are really great kids. Reasonably well behaved and so sweet to each other and those around them (most of the time). You won't hear me complain about my kids in real life or online very often just because they are everything I ever hoped for and don't ever want to forget.
Nothing has tested my patience and self control more than these two 2.5 year olds testing me on certain occasions (hold back your just wait untils). NOTHING. It is even more unbelievable to me that these tiny little people have so much control over me losing my shit.
So we keep practicing. Every week we get a new chance. You know how we keep getting tested until we learn the lesson we need to learn right at that moment? Well kids are a WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL of learning shit we need to be taught.
The thing is, you can put out a picture like this on Facebook Sunday evening and say something like, "We all love our kids like crazy, HOWEVER, can any of you relate to my Sunday 5pm mom struggle face?"
You will get TONS of replies. Most are like, YES ME TOO or GIRL YES I LOOK LIKE GOLLUM or sharing their own mom struggle faces. But a few will inevitably say, JUST WAIT UNTIL or FEEL LUCKY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE.....and those are the ones, man. Those are the ones that make me want to just say, ladies. LADIES. We all have awesome stuff going on and we all have some really hard stuff going on and the truth is, we all just need to hear, ME TOO. That's all it takes.
Now saying something is hard for me is not negating anything else that may be hard for you. Same as with a lot of the larger issues in the world - #blacklivesmatter FOREVER AHEM - saying one thing is important is not taking away from anything else that is important. If it is important and hard FOR ME does not mean that is it any easier or harder FOR YOU.
If you think I'm being silly or too dramatic or my life isn't hard compared to yours? Well, that may be true but in this moment, maybe just scroll on by. Maybe don't say something comparative right in that moment. Maybe just keep right on moving, sister. We are in the support business here. If it feels hard to you, it feels hard. And I am with you. ME TOO.
What I love from other moms is the ME TOO. It is so simple, yet means we are not alone and we are not crazy in feeling the way we do.
The you feel out of control and like you want to punch a hole in a wall sometimes from the frustration? ME TOO. But you don't. You take a shower. You do something good instead of just punching a hole in a wall. Or worse. YAY YOU.
You feel like nothing you say or do for an hour straight is being heard or in any way being acknowledged or getting through to anyone? ME TOO. So you reel it back in and realize none of this is personal and that you were once that age too doing the same stuff to your mom and that for the history of mankind this behavior has been causing Mom Struggle Face and hopefully you can laugh about the craziness of it all. YAY YOU.
You are the sober mom so you don't drink but you really need something so you curl up in a ball in your bed and watch Hart of Dixie and make s'mores in your room while trying to not set off the smoke alarm after they go to bed?
ME TOO. YAY YOU.
We got this, ladies. We can handle all this shit. I promise you. As long as we keep talking about it all, the oh so sweet and good parts of motherhood and the terribly nasty make you want to run out the door and never come back parts. They are equally valid and important, as are your feelings.
Saying something is hard doesn't negate how incredibly awesome it all is or make you any less grateful. It's just feeling all the feelings. YAY YOU.
And if people try to make you feel bad for talking about how hard some of this stuff is, ditch them. Or keep them but find others who are more appreciative and understanding of what you are feeling right now. Community is everything. We cannot do this alone. Even if it's just over the internet and every once in a while saying, THIS REALLY SUCKS. I know it will pass and it will get better but I don't need anyone to tell me that right now. I just need to hear, ME TOO.
Mom Struggle Face. It is real but it is not a competition. YAY YOU.
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