We've been polishing up resumes over here as it's almost their 1st birthday and let's be honest, they need to start contributing. Without going into too much career testing, because who has time for that really, we've come up with the 6 best jobs for 1-year-olds based on their natural skills and inclinations.
- Taste Testers - There is inevitably an array of discarded food on the table after a meal here and in most cases, I take that schwag to be the parts they didn't enjoy. As it's whipped across their tray and onto the floor or just handed off to the fella sitting next to them in an effort to hide the evidence, these babies already are developing their palates for what they like and don't like. They don't fool me though. I keep trying over and over.
- Organic Stylists - The amount of food and drink that gets smeared on their faces and on mine can only be described as mask-like. The avocado in particular is worthy of a spa like treatment. People pay a lot of money for this nonsense! Then the hair. The eggs that coat the hair shine through and give it a sheen that rivals the greatest salons in the world. I have egg and avocado on my person right now and am a firm believer.
- Dog Sitters - The bigger the dog, the more they like being slapped in the face by their tail. They also love dog toys the most. They are natural animal folk.
- Ball Chaser - The only thing they like more than dog toys are cat toys. And they are determined. Something every employer likes in their employees. It's that NEVER GIVE UP attitude we like so much. They WILL get that ball. OH YES THEY WILL.
- Scale Smashers - Need help not looking at a proper scale in the New Year? Leave it to 1-Year-Olds to screw it all up for you. Being healthy isn't about a number anyway. These babies teach us things all the time. They just want us to be healthy and feel good.
- Clock Winders - OK, so it's not like the old days where you had to crank the clocks with the key, but they will manage to set your clock for you. It will be wrong and it will inevitably sound an alarm at 2:13am with a Mexican Mariachi Band playing at high levels, but they will set your clock for you. And then they will wonder what went in the top of that thing too. Remember CDs?
If you're looking to hire 2 1-year-olds to do your dirty work for you, look no further. Just know that they are pretty much a package deal as they won't work alone. They work better as a team. Like Abbott and Costello or Big Edie and Little Edie or even another famous pop duo that FINALLY made it into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame. It's in their contract. Just call 1-800-ICAN'TGOFORTHAT and leave a message at the NOCANDO.
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