These babies have been around long enough to go from wearing big thick snowsuits to going out in swimsuits and bare feet. The seasons have changed and along with those changes have come some lessons from my babies for this once highly insecure mom. Are you ready for the Life Lessons from Six Month Olds?
It's easy to feel insecure as a mom. I was super insecure while pregnant, and although I loved my pregnancy, it was full of uncertainty and worry and joy all at once. Then they arrived and I was pretty much scared to death that something terrible would happen and now they've been with us for a few months and I'm all cocky, like, HEY I GOT THIS SHIT. These babies are a piece of cake. Until something new and different happens, which is pretty much every damn day.
I am MOM. Hear me ROOOOOAAARRRRR. You hear that confidence? I've learned some things from these babies. I mean, a lot of things, but some things in general that make me think I might be doing something right.
These babies think I am the bomb. Seriously. They get so happy to see me it should be a requirement for all humans to feel that feeling. Similar to dogs being "SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU, ON THIS, THE BEST DAY EVER", the babies are all, "MOMMY, YOU ARE THE BEST THING TO POP INTO OUR LINE OF VISION EVER IN THE WORLD." And yes, a certain amount of denial plays into this in that they really like a lot of folks, but in my deluded head, it's just me that they go gaga over. "IS THAT MY MOMMY'S VOICE, OH SHE SINGS SO BEAUTIFULLY!" Blush.
They pretty much think I'm hysterical. Similar to marrying my husband because he's the funniest person I've ever known (and his great ass, she says for the 100th time), these babies fit right in with us because they are hilarious. And judging by the laughter ensuing when I give zerberts or tell jokes or make them watch me shower through the glass doors, THEY THINK I'M HYSTERICAL. They look at me when I'm roaring with laughter like they want to know what is making me laugh so hard and they smile so big and then laugh themselves and there is nothing better in the entire world. They want in on the joke. You got it, babies. You are in on the joke from now on. Happily. Let's laugh it up!
After six months of this, I actually kind of know what I'm doing. I mean, half of it I make up as I go along, but all moms do that. Regardless of how amazingly confident they seem now, I guarantee they didn't know what they were doing half the time. After brewing and baking babies then deliverying babies, you realize caring for babies isn't rocket science. I mean, it's difficult and tiring and stressful and yeah, it's very draining to have two sometimes. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, you know, it would be kind of luxurious to have one baby. HOWEVER, no matter how many babies you have, it's something that comes pretty naturally in that you just do whatever the hell needs to be done to care for them and then to comfort them the best you possibly can. And then, you get the rewards of two amazing loving funny babies who think you are doing a terrific job. Can you believe that?
I have a life beyond my wildest dreams that I could never ever have imagined. If someone asked me 12 years ago, what would your wildest fantasy be about your life? I couldn't have said, I would like to be married to the most amazing man I've ever known and have two incredible healthy babies because that was not in my realm of possibilities. I would have said at that time, I want to be sober. I would like the hallucinations to stop. I would like my family trust me again. I would like to have a place to live that is comfortable and safe. I would like to STAY sober. I would like to support myself without relying on handouts and begging for help. I would like to not be worrying every single second that the boogey man is coming to get me because I owe so much to so many and I've lied and stolen from so many. I would like to not feel every second of every day that I am a shit of a human being that is not worthy of a normal happy life and want to drink it all away. I want to be happy.
Today, I am happy joyous and free. Because I am sober. These babies teach me that I need to do everything possible to stay that way or else they will fade away from my life. I want to drink them in every single second. Every breath, every smell, every movement and every sound. Every single moment of my life is beautiful. Even the ugly, hard, frustrating moments, when I compare it to what it used to be like.
The lesson here is, Hey, I must be OK if these babies like me so much, maybe I'm an OK human being these days. I mean, do they know I am a lousy drunk with many burned out lost brain cells who is not trustworthy and really a drain on society? NO. They know I am their mom and that I step up and take care of their every need and want with almost complete selflessness, as in, I DON'T GET TO EAT UNTIL AFTER THEY ARE ALL TAKEN CARE OF. That's the most profound sacrifice, isn't it? Babies like people mostly. Even really bad people. But given the opportunity, I would like to be the person my babies think I am. Someone selfless and smart and capable and best of all loving and funny. They like me so far, I don't want to screw that up.
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