Maybe it’s Southside justice. You can’t make this stuff up.
Yesterday, a 19-year-old kid named Terrion Pouncy tried to rob the legendary Original Maxwell Street Polish on Halsted Street, and in all the excitement of leaving the restaurant, managed to shoot his own penis while making his escape. Police say it was a small caliber weapon.
I try to imagine what the scene was like when it happened. Two employees (one 39 and one 45) stood there and saw Pouncy pull the trigger, twice, while trying to put the gun back in his pants. He hit his leg and his penis. It seems like something Larry David would witness in “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” but then it would have to have been at L.A.’s famous Pink’s hot dog stand instead of Maxwell Street.
Pouncy missed his arraignment date because he was still hospitalized. You can imagine the regret and anguish he’s feeling right now, laying in that ill-fitting light blue paisley drape of a hospital gown. Imagine his visitors doing their best to ignore the details of the case. It almost makes you want to bring him a Maxwell Street polish with everything.
Well, maybe not.
Desperation brings people to do nutty things. As popular as this hot dog stand is, it’s hard to imagine that you’d haul away more than a few hundred bucks. I was recently at a Southside hot dog stand that had bulletproof glass in front of the counter. To get your order, you had to slide your money through on a tray, the kind that currency exchanges and banks have. They’d slide your food and change back to you the same way. I looked around – the patrons there acted like everything was normal.
In the South and West Sides of Chicago, perhaps that is the new normal.
Hot dogs seem too innocent for me to accept that – especially when I think of those Sabrett carts in New York’s Central Park that harken back to better days.
In Chicago it seems, everyplace is a war zone.
And sometimes, it’s left to the hot dog karma gods to take care of business.
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