Dear President Trump,
Well, you’re here: The Oval Office.
You probably find it easier to believe than millions of Americans who are still shaking or scratching their heads (and maybe throwing up in their mouths a little). Just kidding!
They will be watching you, rest assured of that. You never seemed to be a guy who shied away from attention, so you should be fine with it. The disenfranchised may say rough things to hear. Maybe best not to Tweet out “Sticks and stones” to them.
Sorry I didn’t get a chance to gold-leaf your chair or add the Louis Quatorze touches to your office that you requested. I had some other work to do. You will find out. Well, maybe not. You can delegate the Daily Briefings to Mike Pence and Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell. I’m sure they won’t mind.
By the way, tomorrow, thousands and thousands of women will descend on Washington, D.C., to express their displeasure at some of your policies and your attitude toward them in general. Maybe best not to Tweet out about how the place is “crawling with chicks.”
Nice church service this morning – the sermon about how “God Selects a Leader.” Some might find the whole “deputy appointed by the Lord” thing too “Richard II” for words, but not you. You are not one to be humbled by such things. Not all the water in the rough, rude sea can wash off the balm from an anointed king, am I right?
Oh – and that paperweight on the desk? The one that says, “The Buck Stops Here.” That belonged to Harry S. Truman, who once occupied this office. Not sure how up you are on history, but I’m thinking, “Not very.” Anyway, Harry saw that as his job: not blaming anybody when things didn't go his way, not calling people out and attempting to shift the focus with schoolyard bully language. Maybe best not to Tweet out “You’re a liar” to anyone who has a beef with you.
Of course, for you and your billionaire cabinet, “The Buck Stops Here” could be a battle cry to amass as many bucks as possible while you’re here. The preening rooster has been given the keys to the henhouse, not to mention the vaults of Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and the hugest defense budget in the history of the world. Cock-a-doodle-doo!
So good luck. You will have a cooperative Congress (something I never enjoyed) and the opportunity to prove that you are not the egotistical, dangerous blowhard that many imagine you to be.
Reach out to those less fortunate than you. Lend them a helping hand. Find it in your heart to empathize with those struggling to get back a little piece of the American promise as they pursue happiness. Make sure the average American, including the sick and the elderly, have food and medicine. And dignity. Many of them are the ones who voted for you.
They will be watching you closer than the ones who didn’t.
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