Back-To-School Special: Dorm Dogs


How to turn your dorm room into a hot dog stand.

How to turn your dorm room into a hot dog stand.

For all you students getting ready to ship off to college and live in a dormitory for the Fall semester, I have a few sententious words of advice for you. (You’ll learn what sententious means when you study the character Polonius in “Hamlet”).

First of all, you are lucky to be embarking on your college adventure. You can worry about paying your loans back another day, another year. Make hay, right?

Second of all … well, let’s get to the meat of the matter, shall we? As a hot dog guy, I like to do that. If you are living in a dorm, odds are, you have a meal plan in a dining room away from your dorm.

Given that, you will not have much of an opportunity for a hot meal unless you trudge to the dining room during the hours that they dictate, the fascists! (In college, it’s good to call everybody “fascists.”)

What happens when hunger pangs arise at odd hours (as they seem to do in college dorms more than in any other place on earth for some reason – wink, wink) and all you have on hand is a cold Pop Tart and a half-empty bag of pork rinds? You’re going to want the best and quickest and easiest and most scrumptious meal around – a hot dog! Or several!

The cool thing is, with the Hot Dog Mini Cart Steamer, you can go into business – and help pay those school loans early (sorry for mentioning the loan thing again). How does that work? When the smell of cooking hot dogs and steamed buns wafts through the hallways, your stoner …. er, ah … your friends …. will make their way over, like a cartoon bear floating to an apple pie left to cool on a window sill.

You can offer your hot dogs for a discounted price – you’re a reasonable person, after all – and you will sell many of them. Your dorm room will become a hot dog stand, and you will learn more about entrepreneurship than in any business class you’ll ever take.

Talk about “hands-on.” You’ll become the stuff of legend! You’ll dream up a cool name for your “stand,” and your new art major friend will come up with a decent logo for you. Plus, you’ll have hot dogs at your beck and call while studying French symbolist poetry. (And if you are studying that, you’ll surely need a back-up business).

When I lived in a college dorm (all four years) I had something called a Presto Burger. Good to see they still make them. And let me tell you, when the beef started sizzling in that thing, I got lots of people coming over and saying things like, “Man, that smells SICK!” which means, “Will you make me one?”

I also had a converted coke machine that dispensed ice-cold beer. The first time we brought that home, my roommate The Ass and I drank one after another, and he ended up missing an important engagement. It was a good day.

For the cost of a laptop, you can be the “Dorm Dog King!”

Maybe your art major friend can work a crown into the design.


Sign up to receive word of new Hot Dog Diary posts in your email.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Leave a comment