Paula Deen’s Next Venture – A Chicago Hot Dog Stand

Paula Deen, I know people aren’t exactly showing you the love these days, so listen up, y’all – I have an awesome new business plan for you: open a hot dog stand in Chicago! You’d have a chance to interact one-on-one with good citizens of every nationality and every stripe (which is especially appropriate now that Felony Dogs has closed down).

In fact, 26th and California would be an excellent location for you. Bring that supersized personality to it. You’re from the South, so use it! Call your Southern-style hot dogs “Hounds,” and slather them with BBQ sauce and side orders of grits.

How about this for a menu item? A Chicago style hot dog on a chocolate long john! Your burger on a glazed donut was the stuff of legend! Cream filled? Sure! Lay it on me, Paula!

The more I think about this, the more I like it. Hot dog stands could always use good publicity, of course, but they don’t receive the glare of the national spotlight, typically – unless you are “Maurie,” that winking, confident, polystyrene madman in the Tarzan tunic atop Superdawg.

For hot dog vendors, publicity is word of mouth and very direct. You build a good dog, and they will come. (James Earl Jones voice: “They most definitely will come, Paula.”) Everyone is a critic these days, to be sure, but most online reviewers are honest. There may be a few flamers and haters out there, but I’m telling you, Paula, it’s all about the quality of the dog.

There used to be an obnoxious restaurant host in a Greektown restaurant that had an ugly habit of kissing all the female customers. Being a burly, red-bearded man, I was able to avoid his advances. But observing this stuck in my craw like an undercooked piece of souvlaki. And yet – I went to the restaurant on many occasions, in spite of this jackass. You know why, Paula? Because the food was good!

Just tell me you’ll think about it.

 

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