“How long have you been on Tinder?”
Eek. I didn't want to scare him away, but I didn't know what else to do, so I just blurted it out.
“Almost a year. You?”
Insert awkward pause.
Insert awkward laugh.
Then, I told him that I got on Tinder for my 40th birthday and only had a few days left so he was lucky that he slid in right before my one-year deadline.
Insert real laughs.
But as we continued to text everyday and hang out from time to time, I thought about that conversation and started to realize that we were way off on our timing. We were going down different paths when it came to starting a relationship. Well, I considered it a relationship, but it was becoming apparent that's not what he wanted right now.
I would try to make plans a few days in advance and he would be noncommittal, but it usually worked out to meet up on Tuesdays. Every time we hung out, we had a blast. Like the time we closed down Giordano's (on a Tuesday) with a free bar tab because they kept giving our pizza away to other people. They even gave us sippy cups for our drinks because we didn't have time to actually eat all of our pizza because they were closing.
It was so obvious that we were supposed to be together, but we never moved forward. Or if we did, he then took two steps back. Waaaaay back. My plan was to keep showing him a fun time in hopes that he would start to catch up. I even tried to woo him with a trip to Nashville after two months where we never stopped laughing. But when we got back home, he still wouldn’t commit to any plans. He was "really busy".
That’s when I decided to get some answers. I told him that my goal was to continue dating him indefinitely and I asked him what his was. This forced him to share what I had suspected, he wasn’t ready. He was just getting out of a relationship and his goal was to meet a bunch of people.
He said, “My friends told me to get on Tinder to forget about my ex-girlfriend. They said that no one ever meets anyone on Tinder.”
And that was the sentence that made me rethink my plan. Not my goal. Just my plan. I was still going to get this guy to fall in love with me. I just had to adjust my plan to go at his pace, which was soooo slow … I think snails were actually passing by me! But that's the pace I needed to go if I was going to have any chance of ending up with him in the end.
It was time to bring in some reinforcements, so I called my friend in New York immediately after that conversation. She became the only person I truly listened to over the next six months because she was a positive voice. And not the positive voice that only tells you what you want to hear, but a voice of reason who believed in what I was feeling. She believed me when I told her that this was my person.
Over those next six months I had to tune out a lot of negative comments from my other truly amazing friends who were just over it. They thought I was crazy to waste my time on someone who clearly didn’t want to be with me. And I get it. I knew why they were saying these things, but I also had to trust myself because I was the only one who understood the situation.
It’s this relationship that made me realize that #RelationshipGoals are a real thing and if you’re not on the same page at the same time, it can look like things weren’t meant to be. But with the right plan and the proper support, you truly can make anything happen. I hope you will join my FREE Five Dating Challenge next week, July 30 – August 3 so I can give you a glimpse into what you need to find the one. That includes surrounding yourself with positive influences like my bestie in New York. I want to be your bestie! And the others in the group will too. Everything is easier when you're with a group. Check out more details here.
If you're ready to take the challenge, request to join the private Facebook group today. Let's make dating fun again!
If you need help throughout your dating journey, drop me an email at Tracie@HitzAndBranding.com or share your question via social media:Hitz & Mrs on Instagram(@HitzAndMrsBlog), Hitz & Mrs on Twitter (@HitzAndMrs) or Facebook. You can also sign up to get my weekly emails to keep you inspired and focused on your goal!