Every week we watch The Bachelorette, and every week we are repulsed by someone on the show, this season it's Jordan, the Male Model. Every time he opens his mouth, we cringe. The guys on the show aren't shy about sharing their feelings about his ridiculousness. But while most of America is all rolling their eyes, Becca seems to enjoy her time with him, even the time when he showed up at the rose ceremony in just his underwear. Being himself is repulsive to some, but hey, aren't we all repulsive to someone? It's okay to repel people on your way to attracting the ones your really want to be with.
I learned this decades ago throughout my marketing career, but I thought about it in a whole new way when I listened to Jasmine Star on Amy Porterfield's podcast a while back talking about creating your business avatar. She encouraged people to be intentionally specific on who you want to attract so you can figure out where to find them. Then, once you know who you are going after, it's easier to craft your message to connect with them. When I used this approach in dating, people would tell me I'm being too picky. That if I kept being so close minded I would most certainly die alone. That being picky is so clearly why I was still single at 40. But, of course, they were so clearly wrong.
Over the weekend, my friend said she isn't meeting guys who "get" her. She said she "scares" them away, and she thinks it's because she's socially awkward. She said this while we were at the bar with 15 friends who all came out when she sent a text earlier that day. At a drop of a text, all of these people came together to hang out with her. She is always in the middle of the social events connecting everyone and making sure we all have a blast, so when I told her she obviously wasn't socially awkward, she said that maybe it's that she's really bad at flirting.
Flirting. Yes, there is some merit behind flirting, but at the core is just telling your story. Being you. Being comfortable telling people who you are. That's when she said that guys tell her all the time that she's too strong. Too independent. That they are looking for someone who needs them. She asked me how she could change that, and I almost lost my mind. She absolutely doesn't need to change the strong, ambitious woman she is, but instead she needs to embrace it. She SHOULD be repelling the guys who are going to hold her back in life. So this is when the conversation turned to taking Jasmine's business advice to create her dating avatar.
I asked her to pick out a guy in the crowded bar who looked like someone she would be attracted to. Hundreds of people at this bar, and after 30 minutes of looking, she said, "We are right in the middle of Doucheville. I wouldn't date anyone here." She then described her avatar as someone older than her, distinguished. He likes going to nice dinners, but also can grab a burger at a smokey dive bar. He's the overachiever who also likes to spend the day doing absolutely nothing.
Now we are getting somewhere! We started working on a plan to find HER guy. She committed to doing some research every week to see where these guys might be hanging out, so up first, happy hours at a nice restaurant, a trendy, new place or a steakhouse to see if her avatar is there. And if they aren't, then we will enjoy a great meal and toast to an amazing night with friends.
Who are you repelling on your journey to attract the person who will appreciate who you are and where you want to go? What does your dating avatar look like? Where will you find them? What will you say when you do?
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