Every part of my life starts with a goal. It not only keeps me on track, but it keeps me from wasting time, money, energy, etc. And that then keeps me from getting frustrated, especially in dating. Once I figured out what I really wanted to go after in the new year, I made it a point to figure out if the guys I was talking to were also after the same thing because if they aren’t on the same page, it’s difficult to make a relationship work even if there is an attraction.
When I recently put together a happy hour so two of my friends could meet, I didn’t do the research to know what they wanted. I only told my girl friend about the guy rather then telling them both because that can get awkward when you try to force something, but as the night unfolded, I realized I should’ve prepared more. Within seconds of getting to the bar, one of my other friends saw her and chatted with her effortlessly. I had to take a second to regroup, and I should’ve seen that coming. This guy can chat with any woman ... it's truly impressive, but maybe hide your grandmas! He's a good dude, so I thought this was just a bonus for her to have options.
After a while I interrupted the conversation, but before I could introduce her to my original guy friend, a random stranger came swooping by. Within minutes his number was in her phone. After that, I felt like she should make the first move as it seemed rather intimidating to approach her with several other guys checking her out at the bar. But she refused. They were now standing inches away from each other, both chatting with other people. When I realized she wasn’t going to approach him, I decided to tell him that she was interested in him.
His first question, “Where does she live?”
I barely got “California” out of my mouth before rolled his eyes.
And asked, “Why would I go out with a girl who lives 2,000 miles away?”
That’s when I realized there were three different goals in play here. 1) Her sister was the one who asked me to set them up because her goal was for her sister to be reminded that there are nice guys out there in hopes that she will stop dating jerks. 2) My girl friend’s goal was to go on a date with a guy who would treat her well. 3) My guy friend’s goal was to get a girlfriend, apparently in the city he currently lives in.
After a couple of hours, my girl friend left. Annoyed. Frustrated that she had wasted her night. I stayed out with my guy friend, who shared several recent stories about girls he tried to meet up with, but it never worked out. Annoyed. Frustrated.
As you head into 2018, take a minute to figure out what your goal is for the year. What are mini-goals that can keep you on track? Create a plan that will keep you from wasting time, money and energy. Make a plan to have fun in 2018!