I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.
Talking about the Rose Garden, rumors are flying that pardons are being given out like candy on Halloween. It started last week with lyin' Mike Flynn getting a free pass out of a prison sentence. Then the story that leaked throughout Pennsylvania Avenue is that Don is preparing to hand out pardons to his three oldest children, his son-in-law and himself.
Yeah, we know all of them are going to need pardons because for the last four years they've treated the presidency as their own money-making personal business. No one should be surprised by this because grifters are going to grift, right? But, if you're familiar with Trump and his offspring, you know they aren't bright enough to come up with these criminal schemes all on their own. Someone else has to be the brains behind this mob. Someone else had to be the behind the scene mastermind.
I give you the godfather of the Trump family......BARRON TRUMP!!!
I know you're all rolling your eyes and thinking about how ridiculous this sounds. You're probably thinking that Barron is only fourteen years old. How is it possible he's the leader of the gang? Yeah, I thought the same thing. Then I took a closer look at this family and it started to make sense. Check it out:
There's the elder statesman Donald Trump. It's true that he somehow became president, but look at his life before that occurred. He owned a casino and ran it into bankruptcy. How is that possible? Casinos basically print money like a mint. Then there's Trump University, Trump Airlines, Trump Steaks. The man was also the main reason for the failure of the USFL. If you aren't sure what the USFL was, it was a professional football league that tried to challenge the NFL. Trump's ownership of the New York franchise sent the league into bankruptcy. Everything the man has touched has turned to shit, including the country. Him as a leader....pffft!
Then there are the children:
Don Jr. ended a marriage to hook up with Kim Guilfoyle. Donnie, you didn't have to get divorced to get that.
Ivanka uses her dad's obsession to have sex with her to get what she wants from daddy. Not bad, but then she married Jared.
Jared used his crooked father's money to get him into college.
Eric set up a children's cancer charity, stole money from it, got caught and once again, he is in trouble with the state of New York.
Not a Tony Soprano among any of this fivesome.
Again you're thinking, how does this lead to Barron? We've only seen him a few times in the last four years. We barely know him. Does he really exist?
That's what the Trump's have been counting on! They keep him up in the family residence, away from the press and the public. They pretend that he's off-limits. They say he's just a child, going to school and playing soccer. It's the best scam ever! No one would ever suspect that he's behind the scenes and making all the decisions. I know, I know...I wouldn't have believed it either, but then I took a deeper look at the other family losers and Barron being the main man was the only thing that made any sense. I mean...what else can it possibly be?
So Donald, in the next month, when you're handing out those pardons, don't forget to give one to Barron. You'll need to keep him out of prison or the only child you'll have left is Tiffany. Remember her? She's the daughter of your second wife, Marla....you know the one you left to hook up with Melanie. I'm pretty sure Marla hates you more than all the other women in your life....present and past. I'm guessing that she raised Tiffany well...and far away from you. Like mother, like daughter!
Related Post: Is Eric Trump really as dumb as SNL portrays him?
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