Death! It scares me a little. Okay, if we're being honest, it scares me more than a little...it scares me...well...to death.
It's not so much the actual part of being dead, although I don't feel so great about that, it's that afterlife thing. Yanno, that where are we going to reside for eternity. That's what really freaks me out. As I get closer to the end than the beginning, it freaks me out even more. I want assurances about heaven, hell or just being in the ground. Not surprisingly, no one can assure me about any of those options.
I've been thinking about this for years. Actually, I've overthinking about this for years. To say I'm obsessed with this would be putting it mildly. I've had discussions on this topic with two therapists, a minister, a rabbi, a few friends and an occasional co-worker or two. They all tell me one of two things.
a. It all depends on your faith.
b. We're tired of hearing about this. Shut the fuck up already.
You can imagine which of the above tells me a or b...and it's not always what you would think.
That brings us to Mother's Day 2019. My mother died almost sixteen years ago. June 2013. Not surprisingly, I haven't had any conversations with her since then. It's tough, because her afterlife phone number is unlisted. I've tried to telepathically connect, but my skills seem to be lacking.
The sad thing, in addition to not being able to have a relationship with her for the last decade-plus, is my mother would now be able to answer my question about what awaits for me...and for all of us. If only there was a way to get through to her. Sigh....hmmmmm.
Yanno, in the year 2019, you would think folks in whatever realm they reside would be up on the new technology. Don't they remember the internet? Email? Social media? Apparently not. Sad.
But since they aren't talking to us, I guess it's up to us to try to make contact. Here goes:
Happy Mother's Day. I hope it's a great one where you are.
Mom, it's been almost sixteen since you left us. I'd love to be with you on this day, but since I can't, this will have to do. I have a lot of questions for you about a lot of things, but today I'll ask just one.
Mom, where are you? Do we all go there? What's it like? Yeah, I know that's three questions, but I couldn't help myself.
I know you can't call, write or text, but is there a way you can let me know? It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. A small sign will work. I'll know it when I see it.
Ps...I miss you and love you. See you when I get to wherever it is I'll be going, but not too soon. Say hi to dad.
How's that? Doesn't sound too desperate, does it? Do you think she saw that? Do you think it'll work? If it does, I'll let you know. If I hear from her and she answers the questions, I'll be able to live in peace for..ummm...eternity. If not, I'll continue to ask those annoying questions to my people and none of you want that, right.
Oh yeah, one final thing. For those of you are celebrating, Happy Mother's Day!
Related post: It's another Mother's Day without my mom
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