July 4th. Independence Day. America's birthday. Parades. Cookouts. Fireworks. Civil War.
Yep, you read that right. Yesterday was the day that Democrats were going to start the Second Civil War. That's what Alex Jones said. He wouldn't lie to us, would he? Plus, if there's going to be a revolution, July 4 sounds like it good day for it to start. It's a holiday. Almost everyone is off work so that won't interfere with the fighting. All of this makes sense, so I'm in.
I started my preparation for this on Tuesday night.....I did laundry. You need clean clothes for a war. I just wasn't sure what color we're wearing. Are we blue or gray? Doesn't matter, I washed both. Gotta be prepared.
I woke up on Wednesday morning. Looked at the clock. EIGHT AM! Seems a little early for a civil war, especially on a holiday. I rolled over and went back to sleep til a decent hour.
It's 10 am. Much better. Time to get this fight going. First I need a shower. Didn't Lee tell his troops cleanliness is next to something...or was that Grant. Back to that clothing conundrum. No one has said anything about colors. I decided to wear a blue shirt with gray shorts. That way I have both sides covered. We are wearing shorts, right, because it's very hot and humid outside. Phew.
Okay, okay...let's get this party started. How about some music because there will be some Second Civil War songs, won't there?
"WAR! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Say it again."
Now it's time to find my people. Where could they be? Let me think.....STARBUCKS!!!
There are four Starbucks within a half mile of my house. Let's try those! Hmmm....no one that looks like they're ready for a Civil War. Most of the people are wearing red, white and blue. Pffffft! Renegrades!
Maybe there's a code word that I need to tell someone:
Barista: I heard you the first time. Venti what?
Guess that's not it. There may not be a code word but that Venti Vanilla Latte was tasty.
I still need to find our meeting place. Hmmmm...that building up ahead looks familiar. This might be the one. I should have tried here first. WHOLE FOODS!!! It makes sense that we'd be starting there because that's where Amazon will be delivering our weapons.
First stop is the booth where they sell the Prime memberships. Maybe they have a discount on ammo? Man, there's no one behind the desk. Do you think she's already out fighting? Oh, she's on a break....that makes sense. I guess I'll walk around the store until she returns.
Mmmmm....cherry and orange samples....yum! Oooooh...pizza samples. They have sausage! I think I'll play a couple of games of Asteroids. That'll get me ready for when the shooting begins.
Oh, look at the time. It's 1:15 pm. Cubs-Tigers baseball game is getting started. Plus, I'm getting a little tired from all this running around looking for my fellow revolutionary's. I think I'll head home, get into some air conditioning, watch a little baseball and take a nap. Sounds pretty good doesn't it. The Second Civil War and revolution and can wait until July 4, 2019. If we can't hold out that long there's always November 6th.
Besides, I need to get ready to go out tonight. One question...are we wearing blue or gray to the fireworks?
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