It's the good kind of Cancer

It's the good kind of Cancer

It's December. That means two things. Winter and the dermatologist. Today, the former, not so much. The later, yeah, yeah, yeah!

I have a standing date with Dr. Emily. Twice a year we hook up for a full body check. Every June and again in December, she gets to check me out. It's like that old movie "Same Time Next Year." She's like Ellyn Burstyn and I'm Alan Alda...except we do it twice a year instead of once and oh yeah...there's no sex.

I love Dr. Emily. She's cute, quirky, does a thorough exam and never has once looked at her watch like my former dermatologist. Plus when you have dry skin that you swear is Melanoma, she's supportive when you make a freak out visit. If you need to see a dermatologist twice a year like a good Melanoma survivor should, Dr. Em is your go to girl.

So on to today...I'm sitting on a table in a paper robe and in comes Dr. Emily. Oh good news, she has a friend with her.

Doctor E: Hi. This is Dr. Laura. She's an derm intern. You don't mind if she observes?
Moi: Nahhh..the more the merrier. You have a degree, right?
Doctor Laura: (laughing) Yes
Howie: It's not from Trump University, right?
Both doctors: laughing
Doctor E:(made a snide and snarky remark about Trump)
Me:I should probably be sure that doctors with knifes aren't Trump supporters before making comments?

Good to know my doctors aren't into 45. Maybe I should check with my other doctors about that? Okay...maybe not. The pleasantries are over and it's go time.

"Looks good....okay...We've seen this one before and we'll keep an eye on it.....quick check of the toosh (she always says this)...fine....hmmmmm"

Hmmmmm......isn't really what you want to hear from your doctor.

"It looks like a squamous cell carcinoma. We'll biopsy it and if it's malignant, we'll send you to a Mohs surgeon. It'll take 7-10 days and I'll call you either way. At least it's the good kind of cancer."

It's been three hours since my appointment ended and I've spent a large portion of that time Googling "Good kind of cancer." Guess what? Zero hits! None...nada...zip!!

Good cancer-NO! FuckCancer-YES YES YES!

I do realize she meant that at least it wasn't Melanoma so yeah, I'm lucky for that. Especially since it seems that when it returns for the second time, it's a lot more deadly. Phew! Still when you hear the word Cancer, no matter what type it is you don't think good. You think....are you fucking kidding me?!

Now it's time for the serious, preachy, non-snarky part of todays blog. Everyone should be doing a self body check every month to try and find moles and other body deformities like this one. The one found today was on the side of my head under my hair. I never would have seen it during the monthly checks and I couldn't even find it when she tried to show it to me through a mirror. That's the main reason you should see a dermatologist yearly even if you don't have a skin cancer history.

So it's now 7-10 days of waiting. No big deal and I'm pretty chill, after all it's the good kind of cancer.

 

Related Post: My dermatologist wants to be my Jewish mother.

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Filed under: Health, humor, Melanoma, Satire, Wellness

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    Howard Moore

    My so called friends think it's time to edit this section. After four years, they may be right, but don't tell them that. I'll deny it until they die! I can't believe I've been writing this blog for four years. It started as a health/wellness thing and over the years has morphed to include so many things that I don't know how to describe it anymore. I really thought this was going to be the final year of the blog but then Donald Trump came along. It looks like we're good for four more years..God help us all! Oh yeah...the biographical stuff. I'm not 60 anymore. The rest you can read about in the blog.

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