It's December. That means two things. Winter and the dermatologist. Today, the former, not so much. The later, yeah, yeah, yeah!
I have a standing date with Dr. Emily. Twice a year we hook up for a full body check. Every June and again in December, she gets to check me out. It's like that old movie "Same Time Next Year." She's like Ellyn Burstyn and I'm Alan Alda...except we do it twice a year instead of once and oh yeah...there's no sex.
I love Dr. Emily. She's cute, quirky, does a thorough exam and never has once looked at her watch like my former dermatologist. Plus when you have dry skin that you swear is Melanoma, she's supportive when you make a freak out visit. If you need to see a dermatologist twice a year like a good Melanoma survivor should, Dr. Em is your go to girl.
So on to today...I'm sitting on a table in a paper robe and in comes Dr. Emily. Oh good news, she has a friend with her.
Doctor E: Hi. This is Dr. Laura. She's an derm intern. You don't mind if she observes?
Moi: Nahhh..the more the merrier. You have a degree, right?
Doctor Laura: (laughing) Yes
Howie: It's not from Trump University, right?
Both doctors: laughing
Doctor E:(made a snide and snarky remark about Trump)
Me:I should probably be sure that doctors with knifes aren't Trump supporters before making comments?
Good to know my doctors aren't into 45. Maybe I should check with my other doctors about that? Okay...maybe not. The pleasantries are over and it's go time.
"Looks good....okay...We've seen this one before and we'll keep an eye on it.....quick check of the toosh (she always says this)...fine....hmmmmm"
Hmmmmm......isn't really what you want to hear from your doctor.
"It looks like a squamous cell carcinoma. We'll biopsy it and if it's malignant, we'll send you to a Mohs surgeon. It'll take 7-10 days and I'll call you either way. At least it's the good kind of cancer."
It's been three hours since my appointment ended and I've spent a large portion of that time Googling "Good kind of cancer." Guess what? Zero hits! None...nada...zip!!
Good cancer-NO! FuckCancer-YES YES YES!
I do realize she meant that at least it wasn't Melanoma so yeah, I'm lucky for that. Especially since it seems that when it returns for the second time, it's a lot more deadly. Phew! Still when you hear the word Cancer, no matter what type it is you don't think good. You think....are you fucking kidding me?!
Now it's time for the serious, preachy, non-snarky part of todays blog. Everyone should be doing a self body check every month to try and find moles and other body deformities like this one. The one found today was on the side of my head under my hair. I never would have seen it during the monthly checks and I couldn't even find it when she tried to show it to me through a mirror. That's the main reason you should see a dermatologist yearly even if you don't have a skin cancer history.
So it's now 7-10 days of waiting. No big deal and I'm pretty chill, after all it's the good kind of cancer.
Related Post: My dermatologist wants to be my Jewish mother.
Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.