Here are the answers for some questions you're ASKING FOR A FRIEND

Here are the answers for some questions you're ASKING FOR A FRIEND

If you've been perusing social media lately, there's been an increase in people being inquisitive. There are a lot of questions being asked. Not for themselves. People are being selfless and asking for a friend. Nothing wrong with this. Being helpful is a good thing.

So in the interest of helping some of my people get answers to their most pressing questions, I did some research.

A few months ago someone asked how long was sex supposed to last. He/she/it was asking for a friend. Hmmm....how can I help with this one. I know little of this subject so I decided to ask one of my neighbors. Before I could get to him/her/them, I heard some noises from the apartment next door. Hmmm...there were a few moans and little bit of sighing. Maybe this will be the answer to the question for a friend? This episode took about 45 minutes, not that I was really listening...it was research, people.

I wanted to make sure this was the correct answer so I was going to ask another neighbor. Oh man, more noises. These sounds were quite a bit louder. There was some smacking and someone was yelling something that I can't say on a family forum like this (although I often do). You'll have to use your imagination. But this one was quicker. Only fifteen minutes or so...again not that I was listening...research, yeah yeah.

So let's combine the episodes, divide by two and your answer is thirty minutes. A half hour. And to the friend who looking for an answer...you're welcome.

A few days ago I saw another question. Someone wanted to know if having small hands meant having a small thingy. Seriously, that's how the question was phrased. He/she/it was asking for a friend. I know less about this than I do about the first question but I must know someone who knows about this, right? Ah yes....I sent an email to the White House!

Yanno what they said in response?
Why are you asking this question of us? No one here has small hands. We all have the biggest hands of everyone in America. And not just America, the biggest hands in the entire world. This is an affront to the president and all the great Americans working in the White House. Just asking this is a fireable offense. Signed, The White House.
P.S. That thingy part of your question...it's bigly, too.

Well, there ya go again. Another mystery solved. Glad I can help a friend.

Finally, I saw one more person with a conundrum. I...ummm... someone asked if taking a shower without taking off your glasses was a sign of having a senior moment? Naturally, I...ummm... he/she/it was asking for a friend.

I really knew nothing about this one. I mean, who the hell would do something like that, right? I did find plenty of people who did. Apparently getting in the shower with your glasses is fine but turning on the water with them still on is not. What's worse is having them on your head or in your hands and not knowing where they are. Pftttt...who would ever do something like that?! And getting in the shower while still wearing your clothes is the real senior moment. Phew! None of my friends would ever do that, would they?

Well that's all the answers I have...at least for now. I hope you...ummm...your friends all feel better now.

 

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Filed under: humor, Satire, Sex

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