How were you going to spend your $700 million Powerball winnings?

How were you going to spend your $700 million Powerball winnings?

Did you buy a ticket for Wednesday's Powerball drawing? Of course you did!
Did you have a plan for how you were going to spend all that cash? Of course you did!

No need to be ashamed over this. It seems to be normal behavior. That's why I'm asking the question.

I remember the first time I bought a lottery ticket. It was close to forty years ago. Illinois had a game where one of the prizes was a car. My ticket said I was a finalist to win a Road Runner. Beep Beep! I was so excited because I thought it was a cool car and I thought I had a real chance to win it. I walked away with nothing and was very disappointed. First of many with the lottery. Beep Fucking Beep!

I rarely buy lottery tickets. But every so often, I'll notice a game has a huge prize. Seven Hundred Million Bucks is a huge prize. The odds are astronomical but I figured why not. They say you can't win if you don't play, right. I know, it's inane but it's true. So I cashed in some quarters I had been saving and popped for three tickets. Then I spent the big big big bucks....in my head.

It took less than five minutes to figure out how to spend a lot of money.

My first thought was I need a winter home. Hey, I've got a shitload of money so there's no need to be cold...EVER! So I'm buying a condo in Beverly Hills and then I realized why do that when I can live close to the Ocean? The condo is gone and I'm buying something in Santa Monica. That way I can go to the Pier and look at the water every day. That's right...Every. Single. Day!

Yeah, yeah but what am I going to do with the other $699 million? I'm setting up my kids, paying off mortgages for relatives, establishing some college funds and taking a lot of people on a really nice exotic vacation. A Trading Places vacation. Lobster and cracked crab for lunch for all!

Of course there's charities that can use money. I figured two Parkinson's foundations, a couple of Cancer groups and two homeless shelters could each use a million. Hell, why stop there..two million for everyone!  It's easy to be big when you just won $700,000,000...look at all those zeros!

It's two days later and it's back to reality. Reality Bites!

Someone else won the Powerball money. It took her about fifteen seconds to quit her job. I wasn't even close. None of my numbers were drawn. NONE! Not. A. Single. One!!!

Six dollars down the drain. Hmmm....I wonder how I could have spent those six bucks?

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Filed under: humor, News, Satire

Tags: Powerball

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