My stomach hurts. BAD!!
For close to a year I've had some tummy issues. Regular stomach aches and burning. My original two scheduled appointments with a Gastroenterologist has turned into a relationship. Her assistant calls me honey and teases me for seeing them every week. They're on vacation now and we're close enough that I know where they went. Okay....so you get that I either have a crush on my doctor or my stomach is really fucked up. Maybe a bit of both.
We've tried to determine what the cause of the pain is and it's down to two things....
PD is not all about the shakes. There's all kinds of other things that messes up your body. Constipation is one of those other things. So she has me taking meds for that and when it gets to the other extreme, I switch to another med. It goes back and forth and it helps for a short time but I think it actually makes it worse. Back to the doctor for more. Sigh!
This is simpler. I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure a diet consisting of pizza, hot dogs, cheese and ice cream isn't all that good for you. Somewhere I have a list of foods they don't want me to eat. It's everything that's good in the world. It even includes things that are healthy like oranges and tomatoes. Today I went to Portillo's for lunch. They're known for their Italian Beef, Hot Dogs and Sausage sandwiches. I tried to be a good boy by ordering a Chopped Salad. It was delish. It also had tiny chopped tomatoes which I didn't notice until they were gone. Well damn...at least I tried.
Based on my expert medical background, I figured it's a combination of both of the above......until a few days ago. Then a third possibility occurred to me.
DONALD J. TRUMP!!
Makes sense, doesn't it? The pain started at about the same time as his campaign really took off. While my mind thought his candidacy was a joke, my body disagreed.
I also noticed I felt better last summer...around the time of the Republican Convention. Remember that one? Chachi! Plagiarism! Cruz saying to vote your conscience! It was a disaster and I felt better.
And then came making fun of the Mexican Judge who is from Indiana. Making fun of the disabled reporter. Dissing the Muslim Gold Star parents. Grabbing them by the pussy. Hmmm...I was feeling great during all of this.
That brings us to November 8, 2016. Oy!
It was then that the weekly doctor visits started. I can't believe I never put all this together until now. Dr. D. even asked me if I was stressed more than normal. I told her no but I was obviously in denial....or lying to her....or more likely both.
Before she left on her two week vacay in the sun, my doctor said she wants to see me in two months. When I see her next week, she's going to ask why I'm there and I'm going to say "Trump".
God....I hope she's a Democrat.
See...I told you recently It's All Related To Parkinson's. From stomach pains to politics...all of it!
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