My Dentist Had Sex Chat With My Infected Tooth

infectedmolar This is a photo of an infected molar. It's not mine...mine was worse.

I said was because mine is now gone. Had it pulled yesterday. It was not only infected but it was cracked.

I ate a Jujyfruit a couple of months ago= cracked tooth. So I blame the Heidi company for this story.....not the 62 year old adult still eating fucking Jujyfruits.

So after three consults with three different dentists/oral surgeons, it was decided the tooth had to go.

Yesterday was the day and I met dental expert number 4.

Both the dentist and the hygienist are Russian immigrants. I walk in and they're talking in Russian and laughing. I see a few winks...big time flirting. Hey, I'm good with that. I like to see people in love (shrugging shoulders).

I get in the chair. He looks at the x-ray. "Hey man, I'm going to numb you up good and we're going to have a little party. It'll be fine."

Four shots later, I've become more than comfortably numb and it's time to party like it's 1999.

They're still flirting and making goo goo eyes at each other. I said "Before we start, I just wanna know...are you going home with each other when we're done?"

There's blushing and laughter but now it's time to get down to business.

The dentist then says, "This should be good. Tell me if you're in any pain when I ask."

Oh My God...Steve Martin from Little Shop of Horrors is about to pull my tooth.

He pulls out this huge wrench-like instrument. I close my eyes because I can't imagine anything that size in my mouth...plus I'm scared shitless.

He clamps this thing onto my tooth and it's go time. He then starts talking to my tooth like he's making love to it...or something like that.

"Man, this is hard...are you okay?...c'mon baby...are you okay?...I can't believe how big this is!...are you okay?...Wow, it's really deep in there...are you okay?...just a little more....are you okay?...Here it comes!!!...ARE YOU OKAY?!!"

Apparently my dentist has read 50 Shades of Grey. If dentistry doesn't work out, he can have a career in phone sex.

The tooth is out. Blood is all over. I guess my tooth and gum were virgins.

As I write this it's twelve hours later. I've got all kinds of pain meds...and am looking for more (hint). I've had two long naps and I'm feeling like it's the 1970's again. To answer his question, I'm going to be okay.

But I am curious about one thing....I wonder what the dentist and hygienist did when I left?

 

If you liked this piece, check out my this one My Doctor Dropped an F-Bomb

Hey look at this...after almost two years I've finally figured out how to add this subscription thingy to my blog. Celebrate this techie advancement by signing up and getting these works of art sent directly to your email. Just put your email addy in the top box, click the bottom box and bingo...you're a subscriber. It's spam free and you can quit anytime you like...but why would you want to do that?

 

 

 

 

Filed under: Wellness

Tags: Dentistry

Leave a comment

  • Advertisement:
  • Advertisement:
  • ChicagoNow is full of win

    Welcome to ChicagoNow.

    Meet our bloggers,
    post comments, or
    pitch your blog idea.

  • Meet The Blogger

    fb_avatar

    Howard Moore

    My so called friends think it's time to edit this section. After four years, they may be right, but don't tell them that. I'll deny it until they die! I can't believe I've been writing this blog for four years. It started as a health/wellness thing and over the years has morphed to include so many things that I don't know how to describe it anymore. I really thought this was going to be the final year of the blog but then Donald Trump came along. It looks like we're good for four more years..God help us all! Oh yeah...the biographical stuff. I'm not 60 anymore. The rest you can read about in the blog.

  • Tags

  • Categories

  • Latest on ChicagoNow

  • Advertisement: