Yesterday I told you about my first kidney stone event. It was a show of solidarity for my pal who is suffering with number 23. I'm still stunned by that number. In the kidney stone world, it's the equivalent of Wilt Chamberlain having sex with 10,000 women. My number of stones is 7. Do the math and make your own analogy.
My next story deals with stone #4. I was having some pain and my doctor told me she was tired of dealing with the same shit. She sent me to a urologist.
He sets me up for a procedure I'm still trying to forget after ten years. It's called something-scope. See....forgetting.
They put at tiny microscope up your penis and check your bladder. It's only tiny if it's going up someone else's.
The nurse came in and tells me she's going to clean me up with a warm towel. I said," Normally I'd like that but I have a feeling it's a tease and you guys are gonna fuck me up good." She rolled her eyes.
After you get this topical anesthetic crap which is suppose to dull the pain and which makes you want to scream, the doctor rolls in. Scope time. This thing goes sliding in. You're squirming and praying you don't pee on the doctor.
It comes out after what seems like an hour but it's closer to a minute. Relief but still painful and you're praying that you never have to pee ever again.
The urologist tells me all is good. Easy for him to say. I told him I was willing to die before doing that again. I still am.
I have some other painful stories but I'll save those for the book. A quick tease...the last one involved drugs so good that I begged them to let me stay for another hour....and they did.
As for my friend Bob, while kidney stones are painful, it's usually over fairly fast. Parkinson's last a lifetime!
He has a team, The Martini Shakers, that raises money for Parkinson's Awareness and Research. They've had garage sales, a fundraiser at Culver's and it all culminates at the Moving Day event this fall.
They have a goal to raise $15,000 and it's about halfway there. In almost 300 pieces, I've never solicited money. NOT EVEN ONCE! But if you ever felt a need to give some bucks to a Parkinson's cause, this is the guy and the group.
WTF.....just give him pity money. He's had 23 kidney stones