Posts in category "This has nothing to do with anything"

Why annoying girlfriends make the best wives

I keep seeing these articles pop up like, “10 annoying things girlfriends do” and “15 things guys can’t stand”. I’ve got news, dudes. All that stuff that drives you crazy about your girlfriend will pay off when you marry her. All my boyfriends hated me: the plan-making, the spy skills. Well guess what? All that... Read more »

The REAL lives of bloggers

<iframe src="//embed.gettyimages.com/embed/467354117?et=8ZIrjIptjkugWVdTwTMTPw&sig=Lm-M6SK9mp4jm9xDvyfPHLMIC8KsG4k98PSFEzw_Ezw=" width="507" height="398" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="display:inline-block;"></iframe><p>Bloggers want you to think we brew our thoughts in stylish places like The Central Perk or adorkable shabby chic home offices, but nah. I do this in my jams on the couch after the kids go down.
I’m sure by now you’ve seen the trailer for the self-serious movie American Blogger. Basically, a guy drives around the country and interviews lots of pretty ladies in perfect homes as they wax philosophical about such things like just what IS a blog? Mystery of the universe! As important as science! I was like, wow, those ladies... Read more »

[PICS] Free Getty Images for all your bizarre, sexist (and slightly racist?) blogs

<iframe src="//embed.gettyimages.com/embed/149263408?et=BQexBkbLQkKeyrQVfChFpA&sig=Ghq5IB3A0MoZCrPnT98WXUAIBJqUUBZ3O4PJ_QEO5Xc=" width="414" height="483" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe><p>Blondes are stupid. In case you can't make out that sign on her forehead, it literally says "stupid". Another photo in the series says, "help". At least she can use a label maker!
Free Getty Images are a true gift to bloggers. Instead of relying on stupid gifs (hi!) or worse, Wikipedia images, which is like wearing an Armani suit with Wal-Mart socks, the Easter bunny came early this year and gave the world a bunch of totally free pictures to use. I curated a gallery of the... Read more »
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I'm only telling you this so I can order pizza for dinner

Thank you, Highlights magazine for the fish invitation template.
Awhile back, someone broke the mom code of not gifting living things to other peoples’ children and gave us a fish. A fish is worse than a puppy since the poop-to-benefit ratio is quite low. They are way too much work for something that will not push my wheelchair when I’m old or even walk... Read more »

Steves are always rascals

My new friend Carrie was asking about how to get in contact with another Carrie, which made me think of my old friend, a different Carrie, when new-Carrie said something to the effect that all Carries are cool. Agreed. I know about five Carries and I like them all, which got me thinking of other... Read more »

Nice to be nice: Eating meat vs vegetarian

When I got the hospital bill for Boss’s birth, I mailed a check for the balance posthaste. I don’t like to have things hanging over my head, you know? Or lost in a pile with a bunch of coupons for gutter cleaning and fliers for bingo night. (The K house is all sex and style!)... Read more »
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Why 3D printing your unborn fetus is a bad idea

Why 3D printing your unborn fetus is a bad idea
If you happen to be reading this while swimming in your platinum bath tub filled with gold doubloons (and you are pregnant with a baby friend) (and you are EXTREMELY IMPATIENT to hold that baby) (and you want a terrible gift for your mother-in-law) listen up because the scope of Things That Can Be Seen... Read more »

A Seat at the Bar, with David Sedaris

ZOMG! It’s David Sedaris! Okay, an imaginary David Sedaris who did not authorize this pretend interview, nor provide any quotes but here he is! In the fictional, figurative flesh, just sitting at a bar in my mind. What are the chances? Me: Thanks for meeting with me David. Can I call you that, or are... Read more »

How to love a typewriter

I’m not sure when I picked up the bug –  for the glamour of writing in general (I’m so-so) or the allure of a clunky old typewriter specifically (the buying of which I can control into perfection). I guess I could start at last Friday, after the dentist, before lunch at that place in the... Read more »
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Hi, I can't sleep.

I’ve had a case of insomnia for oh, two hours now. What’s the solution? Internet! Even though Chelsea wrote a great post about getting oneself off the internet, which made me feel horribly guilty, somehow I see the answer to life’s problems is more Internet. He we go. Here’s everything on my mind at 4:00... Read more »