Category: The Big Suburban Safari Experiment

I should be excited to leave FRIGID HELLHOLE CHICAGO. But I'm not.

I don’t have to tell you what cold feels like. You know. The acid burn of 3 degrees. Vertical wind punching you in the face. We’re all in this together. The difference between you and me is I’m moving. On Tuesday. To L.A. My realtor called the other night and said, “it’s 70 degrees right... Read more »

8 types of people you meet on the North Shore

I’ve lived here for a whole 25 months, which clearly makes me an expert. Thus, I’ve complied this scientific list of the people you meet on the North Shore when you’re not hiding in your house waiting for ChiPocalypse. (Seriously, wasn’t it supposed to get Polar Whoretex levels of cold and yet here we are... Read more »

5 (selfish) reasons you want diversity in your school

Our family is a herd of nomads. Our kindergartner has been enrolled in four very different Chicago-area schools. She insists she loves spreading herself around like Bobby Brown, *not her words, and we’re about to be on our third house in seven years of marriage. The school we’re in now is good and we’re (probably?)... Read more »

The awkward situation of hiring help

My day is invisible to my husband. He comes home at night and from his perspective, nothing has changed since he left this morning. I’m in my jams. The house is in order. The make-up, clothes and contacts went on and off again, the house was destroyed and rebuilt, the laundry was done and then... Read more »

Non-toxic spray paint + nursery PICS!

I figured spray paint was banned in Chicago because ne’r-do-wells muck up public spaces scrawling their names everywhere, but now I wonder if their mothers got together and forced it out because it’s so unhealthy. Have you ever looked on the back of a can of spray paint? “Causes cancer” and “long-term exposure will cause... Read more »

How to survive a kitchen remodel [PHOTOS!]

This is as good as I can do for a before pic. While I was cleaning, I happened to find the realtor brochure from when we bought the house.
Butterflies! Cannons! Jolly elves in fun pants! Whatever’s your signature confetti, just pack it up and take it into my kitchen right now. It’s the land of YES. We’re about to take a tour of my head and home spanning the time from June until an hour ago, some of it murky territory, and arrive... Read more »

Would you open the door for a stranger in the rain? I didn't.

It was a dark and stormy night.  To be exact, this happened last night. I was in the bath tub frantically shaving my legs when it started thundering. I was certain I’d become lightening toast. I read articles! Okay, maybe I was a little keyed up because I was short one husband for the night.... Read more »

Finding role models in your 30's (Any large, liberal families in the house?)

I didn’t give much thought to finding a role model until I read a tweet a while back by The Most Awesome Lady On Twitter, a 94-year-old quilter who tweeted, “I have to love Downton Abbey for so many older woman characters who r smart, funny & non cliche. Nice 2 have role models at... Read more »

Hi, I'm surprise-pregnant. With twins.

We toyed with the idea of having a third child, which was great, because we're big sluts and got pregnant anyway.
I don’t really know how to say this besides just saying it – and by just saying it, I mean writing a Bitstrips cartoon for you. —- Like, share and read more stuff on my Facebook page! Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam... Read more »

Benjamin Moore's 9 Worst Paint Color Names

"Lambskin" - coordinates great with "Latex" and "Lube" for that really sexxy skin-colored home you're decorating.
So, I’ve been trying to figure out how to paint my new living room. I’ve been obsessed with finding the exact best color and naturally, I consulted Facebook. Every time I put a sample on the wall, I ask the internet’s opinion and three people will like it followed by two people who say it looks... Read more »