Posts in category "My precious"

Raising Powder: Living in fear of the sun

I have to sign my oldest child up for camps that happen indoors. It’s always been this way. I dress her like a beekeeper, I slather SPF 100 (not an exaggeration) onto her pearl skin in 45-minute intervals. I apply it and reapply it and instruct caregivers that it’s not a normal sunburn she gets.... Read more »

Oh no. My kid learned to read.

Pops: Should we take the kids O-U-T for I-C-E C-R-E-A-M? Me: Nah, the baby is going to want to go down soon and they already had a T-R-E-A-T today. Bee: Ice cream! Ice cream! I think I’m supposed to be proud or excited that my kid learned to read, but as usual with our┬ápractice first... Read more »

Like sex, selfie education starts at home

My five-year-old, the one who thought she was going to wear lipstick to school (HAHAHAHAHAHA) put together a little outfit today and wanted me to document it. I don’t know what I was thinking with this next bit, but I can only reason that when she asks for stuff, I usually suggest she tries it... Read more »
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How to get a baby to sleep

If you’re here because you googled “how to get a baby to sleep,” you’re probably an animated undead surviving on HGTV and the internet. Been there. Don’t give the baby whiskey or let it cry. I’ll walk you through this thing. (OMG! I just took a stance on cry it out. Quick, someone call the... Read more »

911: My kid hid from me during an emergency!

Now that the clouds have lifted a bit for me, I’m looking back to myself a few weeks ago realizing just how dark I was. For example, I kind of got convinced that I was going to keel over and die of a brain aneurysm (or something! you never know!) so I took an afternoon... Read more »

How to go into labor + BABY PICS!

With this third baby, I was over pregnancy by half way through. DUNZO. I wanted my body cleared of squatters the second I hit the official “full term” milestone of 37 weeks and not a minute later. I wanted to know how to go into labor, like, yesterday. Wouldn’t you know, the day before I... Read more »
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Selfies: The danger of blaming girls

I had to take a day to calm down from my rage tower after reading the now-infamous “FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)” post written by a conservative Texas mother of boys who thinks the girls in her son’s Facebook feed should cover up – all while posting shirtless, flexing photos of her sons. (There’s... Read more »

Why Vodka Samm is terrifying - a primer for my daughters

Two disturbing party girls have sprung up in the media the past few days – one dead, one now internet famous. As a former party girl myself who happens to have three daughters now, I am terrified. To the bone. The latter is “Vodka Samm” the 22-year-old University of Iowa student whose frightening alcohol tolerance... Read more »

My first back to school lesson

I almost lost it on my two-and-a-half-year-old today. Okay, I didn’t “almost” lose it. For the first time I can remember, I actually yelled at Stella. Like, yelled-yelled. She’s my chill kid, the one who changes her own pull-up and can spend hours on the swing set, but today she turned into a new creature.... Read more »
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Atrazine: The EPA-approved, EU-banned chemical in your body right now

Sometimes things happen in life. Cars crash, chips fall, hearts attack. Sometimes children die and it’s completely a chance event, one that you can’t dwell on finding causes or spend your life answering unanswerable questions like, “why my child”? And then there are events in life that have causes. For example, drunk drivers made the... Read more »