Posts in category "Mom Body"

11 things moms can do instead of drinking wine

So, who here has a glass of wine every night? Or two. Just me? I can’t be the only person who gets bored after the kids go down and cracks open a bottle. It’s a reward system. No matter what kind of crap I’ve had to deal with or how annoying my kids get, I... Read more »

I told my kids I'm gorgeous

I never go to Kohl’s. I don’t know what struck me to go to a department store on Black Friday – I think it was an ad for a half price Barbie Volkswagen or maybe the allure of being near Target without having to stop in, like when my newborn insists to sleep with my... Read more »

One thing I don't have down? The breast pump.

Now that I’m on my third kid, there are things I’ve mastered. I’m a ninja at stuffing tiny, angry legs into baby tights, for example and don’t even try me on my bouncing sway. Sometimes I bounce-sway when I’m not even holding a baby. People probably think I have to pee or that I’ve got... Read more »
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Why you shouldn't be afraid to have a baby

Ah, shoo. Now that there’s a pop in the population of people reading this blog, I feel like I have to be Laurel & Hardy up in herr, like I have to do a little soft shoe as I sing my messages about VAGINA POWER and nasto chemicals in your drinking water and the Elf.... Read more »

Postpartum depression: Am I about to go down the spiral?

To anyone who asks me the story of Boss’s birth, they get the happy version. I leave out a few details. You know, clean it up for polite company. Only 20 minutes of pushing! I want to send a fruit basket to the delivery team! She was as loud and pink and hungry as my... Read more »

How to go into labor + BABY PICS!

With this third baby, I was over pregnancy by half way through. DUNZO. I wanted my body cleared of squatters the second I hit the official “full term” milestone of 37 weeks and not a minute later. I wanted to know how to go into labor, like, yesterday. Wouldn’t you know, the day before I... Read more »
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It's not Maria Kang's fault I'm fat

The latest flavor of Are You Mom Enough comes to us from Maria Kang, the now infamous “hot Facebook mom” who posted a picture of her smokin’ bod flanked by her three small children, including an infant, and the words that burned a hole through the internet this week, “What’s your excuse?”. Burn. Maybe I’m... Read more »

Burn: Fat-shamed by the midwife

Hey, girl! Tubbi McGrosserton over here! At your service to devour chocolate cakes and random things dipped in peanut butter! Who am I kidding, I’m here to inhale anything laying around. Socks? Jump ropes? Cucumbers? J/k, I’m not eating cucumbers because it would encroach on the precious digestive space where PANCAKES!!! dipped in PIZZA!!! rolled... Read more »

Life with a sexxy face scar

I’ve been meaning to write this for years. Who knows why today’s the day, but saddle up! We’re going to talk about The Thing I Never Talk About Mainly Because It Doesn’t Matter: my scar. The prominent one, right on my face, that I’ve had since I was three years old. The face scar that... Read more »
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What not to ask a pregnant lady you've never met - UPDATED

This is an innocent question . . . until you ask someone who is only pregnant with a sandwich. Story to make you feel better if this has happened to you: When my first daughter was 12 hours old, a guest said to me in the hospital, "Jenna, are you sure they didn't leave one in there? You're still so BIG!" Fun memory. Just saying, no one is immune to this comment.
I’m pretty open when it comes to whom I consider family. If you’ve read this blog more than once, you’ve met me in person, we went to school together, worked together, drummed up a little rapport waiting for dance class dismissal or peed in an alley together in our 20′s, I’m going to be chill... Read more »