Posts in category "Fine Whine"

Until college reform, yes, "Guerrilla Dad" you should pay for your kids' college

When a second blobby heartbeat popped up on my prenatal ultrasound screen last year, my very first thought was, “oh no, two more college tuitions”.  Sadly, we ended up only coming home with one baby – a baby whose college savings, pennies as it may be, was started before her first birthday. Why? Because college... Read more »

This is why people hate realtors

My husband bought a bar for our house. Like, he bought a huge, actual bar complete with cushy barstools and two guys named Norm and Cliff to occupy our family room. The bar was supposed to replace the eye sore of little tables he set up for himself in the living room, but instead, he... Read more »

A rebuttal to the "Same-Sex Marriage" brochure I found at church

Hello there, mister (?) author of the Same-Sex Marriage brochure I found at church this morning. I was just milling around in the lobby of a cathedral – wait, they do call those lobbies, right? Ye high holy foyers? – when I saw a kiosk of brochures. As a bored person sometimes does, I browsed... Read more »
Advertisement:

In defense of Thug Kitchen: Look at Iggy Azalea

There has been an uproar of accusations of cultural appropriation after the internet found out the writers behind vegan blog Thug Kitchen are white. Not only are the vegan bloggers white, but they are white hipsters. The nerve. Apparently these bloggers are guilty of cultural appropriation because they swear a lot (sample recipe: “yeah, garlic and... Read more »

Stop saying, "Your English is great!"

Last night around 7:00, every restaurant in Wrigleyville had a 90-minute wait because the neighborhood was all hit at once with Billy Joel concert revelers. I guess old white people music (hi!) and Persian food don’t go hand in hand because for whatever reason, Raw Bar got us a table in ten minutes. We had... Read more »

No, I cannot leave my baby for just one night

I noticed it’s December. Suddenly there’s a tree in my house and people are acting grumpy in stores. Sometimes those people are me, like when I muttered, what the shit is going on! when two of my 500 kids were screaming and I dropped a tray of cookies in the parking lot yesterday. A nice... Read more »
Advertisement:

How do people have three children?

This will be brief because with a newborn baby who occupies my left arm like a hippy in an endangered forest (happy due date to me, by the way. BEST DUE DATE EVER since I have a baby and a glass of wine instead of boat feet and a belly the size of the equator.... Read more »

Sorry, not feeling "dead baby" decor this year

I felt like killing a little time today, so I took my two-year-old to the Halloween superstore. I love Halloween! When people ask me my due date, I tell them I’m rooting for October 31. (Someone helpfully pointed out to me the other day that since she’s a girl, I’d better avoid that date so... Read more »

Who's the villain in your house?

I’ve worked up the moxie to talk about something that’s been burning on my mind for awhile now. Years? Definitely months.  I finally put a finger on it when I read my friend’s post about her son who likes to dance. If you haven’t yet, take a moment to fall in love with “If My... Read more »
Advertisement:

Why it's rude to be fake pregnant on April fool's day *cough* LINDSAY LOHAN

Okay, maybe Lindsay Lohan is really pregnant. She tweeted, “it’s official . . . pregnant” at the tail end of The Great Unholiday that was yesterday. Maybe she’ll squeeze parenting in between her court dates and mandatory rehab. We can’t know! But if it was a prank, may I thwap her on the head with... Read more »