Category: Field Trips

This is why people hate realtors

My husband bought a bar for our house. Like, he bought a huge, actual bar complete with cushy barstools and two guys named Norm and Cliff to occupy our family room. The bar was supposed to replace the eye sore of little tables he set up for himself in the living room, but instead, he... Read more »

The (sneaky) ways Disney forces you to be happy

Excuse me, before I begin, I’ll need to shake these sparkles out of my hair. That’s better. My family just got back from Disney World and I was expecting: a nightmare chorus of toddler meltdowns, $35 ice cream cones, sweaty, angry, sunbeaten parents and maybe spotting that tiny princess castle in all the brochure pictures.... Read more »

Embarrassing: I was pulled over with my kids in the car

When I was in my early 20’s, my mushy little brain got one degree firmer when I realized one day the way to stay out of trouble is to follow the rules. I had gotten a speeding ticket and it finally clicked with me that it wasn’t the cop’s fault or the road’s fault. It... Read more »

My a-hole story about Fancy People Problems

There’s a guy who works at O’Hare airport who thinks I’m nuts. I said, “I’m so proud of myself!” as he cranked the yellow steel boot off my car like a 70-pound can of corn, “I learned to ride the shuttle!” But let me start at the beginning. My day began at midnight. It was 7:00am... Read more »

What happens when a man wears a baby in Spain

This is my first time in Spain, so I’m learning as I go. It took sinking into an ice cold bath before I realized the faucet handle marked “C” stands for “caliente”. Whoops. Restaurants don’t open for dinner until 8:00PM and when they do, there are some interesting things on the menu. Like, cod donuts.... Read more »

All the ways I'm driving the nanny crazy

I don’t usually tell the internet when I leave town. HI, PLEASE ROB ME. This time though, my house will be full of in-laws, a temporary nanny and two ferocious little girls whose combined weight is almost that of a doberman. If you want to tousle with those ninjas, go right ahead and get embarrassed.... Read more »

Feel like a jerk pushing a huge CostCo cart? RELIEF AT LAST!

Every once in awhile, your house just gets low on supplies. Somehow we ran out of our drum of ketchup at the same time we needed a new case of milk and a fresh stockpile of cereal. Hi, we’re suburbanites now and do that thing were we get something we like and act like the... Read more »

Movie Review: The End Of Love (spoiler alert - Michael Cera has a gun)

For anyone with a toddler, The End Of Love is going to pop off the screen as (too?) real and slightly terrifying. The endless nights of macaroni! Fish death! I mean, what parent goes to the movies to see more kids learning how to chew? Allow me to make an argument. The film stars Mark... Read more »

9 Easy Steps To Escape Poverty (Step One: Be White!)

I read an infuriating article, Things That Trigger Your Class Rage by self-disclosed middle class member, Tracy Moore. The tone was basically one of indignation that Moore’s friends came from more affluent backgrounds and her “rage” about them being ivy league educated and well traveled. Moore was neither of those things and she blames it... Read more »

How To Be A Hotel Snob: Don't Put Up With Blood Everywhere

[Flashback waves] We’re in a pirate-themed hotel off highway 231 and I have two freshly-bathed, water-parked-out kids, one on my hip, one clinging to my leg. I peel back the industrial beige comforter. It is 10:06 PM. Slow horror flushes my face when it becomes clear this bed comes with a surprise: a stranger’s dried... Read more »