Posts in category "Dicey Mom Territory"

5 (selfish) reasons you want diversity in your school

Our family is a herd of nomads. Our kindergartner has been enrolled in four very different Chicago-area schools. She insists she loves spreading herself around like Bobby Brown, *not her words, and we’re about to be on our third house in seven years of marriage. The school we’re in now is good and we’re (probably?)... Read more »

Until college reform, yes, "Guerrilla Dad" you should pay for your kids' college

When a second blobby heartbeat popped up on my prenatal ultrasound screen last year, my very first thought was, “oh no, two more college tuitions”.  Sadly, we ended up only coming home with one baby – a baby whose college savings, pennies as it may be, was started before her first birthday. Why? Because college... Read more »

I hate character kids' clothes! I SAID IT OUT LOUD.

I hate kids clothing with Disney crap on it. I know, this topic is a source of controversy on these here internets because what isn’t in the age of Click Hole and the mommy wars, but try not to murder me in my sleep. There’s a camp who thinks their kids wearing clothing with brand... Read more »
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In defense of Thug Kitchen: Look at Iggy Azalea

There has been an uproar of accusations of cultural appropriation after the internet found out the writers behind vegan blog Thug Kitchen are white. Not only are the vegan bloggers white, but they are white hipsters. The nerve. Apparently these bloggers are guilty of cultural appropriation because they swear a lot (sample recipe: “yeah, garlic and... Read more »

CODE RED: Conflict in the gym childcare center

You never want to have conflict with the people who care for your children. That’s, like, the second line in the pledge behind “won’t kill it” when you take on parenting. Yet, conflict will arise. Like today. There was a bit of a previous dust-up at my gym childcare center a few weeks ago when... Read more »

Is it rude to change a diaper in the locker room?

Our gym locker room is set up like a long, medium-quality toilet lounge that connects the pool to the rest of the fitness merriment. The facilities are better than prison, worse than Queen Elizabeth’s private powder chamber. So, it’s a normal gym. On non-religious holidays the place is infested with drain hair so dense and... Read more »
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Why can't you get mad at kids anymore?

I might lose a friend over this. Eh, she’s new. Easy go! My kids know not to mess with my stuff. I’m not even sure why. Maybe I said something in the hospital when they were born like, “craft fabric is poison to children” or “the Elf lives by the washing machine” etc. and it... Read more »

My cleaning lady has an attitude!

What if I said, “I’m not happy with my cleaning lady’s attitude?” I’d be a jerk, right? Zomg, what a spoiled human being up on her high horse criticizing the help like some kind of ice queen. She’s so lazy and mean. Tar her! Feather her! Think about why criticizing domestic help comes across so... Read more »

Oh no. My kid learned to read.

Pops: Should we take the kids O-U-T for I-C-E C-R-E-A-M? Me: Nah, the baby is going to want to go down soon and they already had a T-R-E-A-T today. Bee: Ice cream! Ice cream! I think I’m supposed to be proud or excited that my kid learned to read, but as usual with our practice first... Read more »
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All I want for Christmas is LEAVE THE DAMN BABY ALONE

When a crazed stranger with dead-cat hair stuck her finger in my 8-day-old child’s mouth at the grocery store, I didn’t have the foresight to have her arrested or at least scream a little. It was 2008. As usual in these situations, I froze and debated about it later, about how I should have cracked... Read more »