There is nothing "inappropriate" about a doll with a penis

The latest to roll out of the Fox News controversy machine is about an anatomically correct boy doll sold by Toys'R'Us. Yes, the doll has a tiny penis that squirts water into its toy diaper. Apparently some parents are up in arms that a penis-having doll is "inappropriate". I had a doll like this when I was a kid, so I'm not sure what the ZOMG SO NEW factor is here, but it looks like a slow news day. Let's jam.

People are seriously pissed over this, questioning why dolls need all the body parts in the first place. Why not just skip some! This might be a good time to remind the room that technically, babies are created from a sperm and an egg and maybe a bottle of rioja in the first place. Maybe we should ban people altogether. We're all just dirty, private part concoctions that arrive in the world via vaginas. Burn us!

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If you can overcome your ire of babies' lusty origins and allow your kid to play with a doll in the first place, I still don't know why would you prefer your child to play with a doll that is missing a body part. If the doll didn't have a mouth or hand, you'd need to explain that, yet a boy doll's penis is missing and it's like, "PEE IS A SIN!" Lesson: Don't pee, kids. The toilet is the devil's subway. Just get really thirsty and see if it reabsorbs into your body like God intended.

Actually, it's funny I even assume the uproar is coming from a religious conservative angle because Fox commenters seem to think it's the durned liberals.

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Wait. This is another comment on the penis-having doll controversy article:

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Oh, sorry. It turns out this is not the fault of a political party at all. Silly me. The comments on this penis doll article devolved into political blaming because this is the internet. It all makes sense now. Not even cake recipes are safe.

2. Proclaiming outrage over a doll with a penis is especially confusing for boys who play house. If hearing adults say a doll that looks like them is "inappropriate" it sends the message that they themselves are inappropriate. Wish your penis away, boys! It is a tool of satan!

3. People are supposedly worried about pedophiles. This is actually one area when I'm like, fine, let the pedophiles have at it. It's a hunk of plastic. There's always going to be some creep in a basement somewhere being gross. Properly educating children as to what body parts human beings have trumps what some sleaze ball does with an inanimate object, which seems a little far-fetched to me anyway.

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4. Dolls are already creepy for better reasons, like their dead eyes and stiff limbs. They’re like adorable corpses. It's not the fact a lifelike doll has a penis that makes it weird, it's their vacant, cherubic stares! Hate for the right reasons, America.

Children need to see dolls that look like themselves in order to have healthy self-perception. It's as true of boys playing with anatomically correct boy dolls as it is of black girls having access to black dolls. Every child playing house shouldn't be caring for only female white people, which, if I may go there, further infantalizes that demographic.

Good job, Toys'R'Us. Your baby doll looks like a baby. Keep it coming.

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