Rant from a rich democrat

I'm just going to take a minute here to complain about fancy people problems. Hang on, my ascot is crooked. Okay. As I was saying, I've got a new problem this tax season and it's put me in a mood to make a few demands. Our family happens to owe the federal government money this year (lots of money) and handing over that check will be painful, so I want to make a few strong suggestions about how it's spent.

First, I got into this situation two-fold: withholding decisions and a mystery problem having to do with brackets and codes or laws or something (can you tell I'm not an accountant?) It appears I am a rich democrat. I know, it's like having a unicorn over for dinner.

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These are just our socks. Our sweatpants are kept on velvet pillows under glass.

Our family is paying a relative shit load into the system. It certainly feels like a lot of money we're about to hand over, anyway. I want to be very clear that we hand over our family's income with smiles on our faces. We have healthcare. We are educated. We have food. I'm even a fancy lady with brand new pants from Old Navy and everything. (15% off!) While the money we pay in taxes is enough to nearly physically hurt, it's not enough to keep us from living our lives. Wants and needs are different, see. We don't need anything that huge chunk of income tax could buy us, but it's still a lot of money.

I feel I should be the boss of this money to some degree, so I'll spell it out.

Here is what I expect in return for the massive taxes we pay:

1. I want everyone to have healthcare. No more BS with the website not working or shutting people out for hours on the last day to register. No crap when it all gets going about not covering this or that or sticking people with ridiculous bills. Use my money to actually care for people.

2. I want everyone to have access to good education. I know public school funding doesn't come from federal income tax, but I'll just pop up like a whack-a-mole and tell you I have two properties and one of them is in the city. I fund Chicago Public School with property tax and I'm pretty livid that cluster*ck has edged so many people out. Fix it, fools. CPS affects me indirectly in that the kids who are educated here are members of my greater community and they'll eventually run the businesses and services I rely on and I want those things to be good. So educate them.

3. I want everyone to have food. Everyone. This country is too wealthy to have starving children, yet the president just signed an 8.6 billion dollar cut to food stamps. The result of this and other cuts is we are left with a system with as many holes as swiss cheese. Take, for example, the case of Shanesha Taylor who was arrested for leaving her kids in the car while she went to a job interview.

"Buck up!" they say, "pick up your boot straps!" they say. "Do whatever it takes to take responsibility for yourself!" they say. So Ms. Taylor takes the best shot she can to appear her best at an interview (not bogged down with two kids in tow, not making perceived excuses about availability and childcare) to put food on the damn table. And this is what happens. (Oh! But let the guy who rapes his own baby strut right on out to freedom.)

4. While I'm on the topic, I'm tired of paying for free rent in jail for marijuana criminals. I'm not their mom. Potheads might be loafers, but let them loaf at home on their own couches. Jail is too expensive and marijuana "criminals" aren't even dangerous. The war on drugs is stupid.

I don't hand over a jarring chunk of our income so the government can cling to Times New Roman font or keep themselves liquored up during their shutdown or redecorate their offices with ridiculously priced art. I want my things. Which are everybody's things.

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