So now that I've become that mom of the gone baby at gatherings (awkward, trust me, nobody knows what to say) I may as well go all out and post naked pictures of myself on the internet, right? It's only logical. I mean, how effed up can my situation really get? Whole hog! Full enchilada! Let's ride this crazy train all the way to the station, past grieving hausfrau, past Crazy Petition Lady (seriously, sign it) and right on into PREGNANT NAKED PINUP TOWN. Shall we? We shall. PS, there's a chance I might be a little insane right now. Try to endure.
Back in January, before the idea of another pregnancy ever flitted through my little peroxided head, I bought a Living Social deal for a pinup photo shoot. I figured by the time Spring hit, I'd be in top physical condition (thanks, new gym) and I'd surprise Mr. High Gloss with some naughty lingerie pictures. I really felt I was in a sweet spot - finally able to afford stupid crap like vampy pictures, yet not in the life stage of permanent moo moo dresses and floor boobs.
Then in February I found myself surprise pregnant. With twins. I ignored the Living Social deal for awhile, but because I'm both frugal and an exhibitionist, I decided at the last minute to go through with it. The day before my deal expired, I waddled in to Revival PinUps for the shoot. Not only was I large, I was also completely stripped of make-up and alone. I was sure herds of 22-year-old, size zero Playboy models in full body make-up would be prancing around in Vegas showgirl costumes and I'd be mistaken for housekeeping. I faced the experience anyway.
To my surprise and comfort, someone my own age with a Bettie Page haircut and plenty of edge met me at the door of the studio and ushered me to what felt like a seat in a starlet dressing room for hair and make-up. The photographer herself was a brand new mom and gushed at how cute I was. (She was just doing her job, but I will say, she did it well.) I suspended disbelief and just went for it. Boom. Strut. Who's a fierce bitch? Who's a 30-something mom of four who don't give a fuhh? Who's the suburban Beyonce? Me! Me! Me!
Looking back, that photo shoot was one of the happiest days of 2013 for me. As far as I knew, my twins were healthy and I truly felt happy. Sure, maybe things took a tumble over the next few weeks, but for a moment in time, that was thankfully captured, I was on top of the world.
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