Guest series: Burned by a moms' group, part 1

Hi, you may recall that I'm a loozah (baby) and got rejected by the Moms Of The North Shore Meet-Up Group, sight-unseen. While my online application was rejected by those fools, I ended up meeting around a dozen real life moms in my neighborhood. So far, so good - they ain't too cool for pizza and dranks and it turns out we have a lot in common, like being amused by the term Willbilly and Justin Bieber valentines. But give it time. There's sure to be some fuss. Maybe I'll mud wrestle some other mom for throwing shade on my Naots. Don't put it past me! [Blows on biceps] Until then, allow me to present the reader-submitted tales of mom group rejection I called to arms in January.

NAMES WITHHELD

How Cute, He Smashed The Cake To Bits

One mother in our group practiced a rather radical style of parenting. She believed any form of discipline was absolutely wrong, and a child should never be told "no," under any circumstances. But then she followed him everywhere with her camera and simply photographed his mayhem. As you might imagine, this led to many difficult situations. One day our group hosted a birthday party for several children who had birthdays that month. The cake was a "cupcake-cake" with a large plastic Elmo on top. Naturally all of the children were attracted to the decoration, but their mothers told them "no" and directed them back to the play equipment. Not this mom! Her son plucked Elmo off of the cake and began employing it as a hammer to smash the entire cake to bits. As the other mothers looked on in horror, the boy's mother simply snapped away with her camera.

You May NOT Have A Baby

Following an unusually active hurricane season, 12 mothers in our play group found ourselves to be expecting at the same time. One woman who was not expecting spoke up and said that she couldn't stand being in a group with so many pregnant women: first we'd be talking of nothing but our pregnancies, then our birth stories, then the babies themselves. So she decided to leave and start her own group, bringing several of the other non-pregnant women with her. A few months later I came across her group's web page, which stipulated that in order to join their group a mother must have no more than two children, no plans to have more, use only formula if she has an infant, and no attachment parenting please!

"You Better Hope I Don't See You At The Zoo"

Well, I was 22 when I had my only son. I was the only one of my friends to have a baby, so I became pretty secluded. It just so happened that my Aunt was the President of the local Mom's Club and she strongly urged me to join. I went to a couple of events with her and quickly noticed that I was, by far, the youngest mom in the group.

I came across a lot of Moms that I really didn't care for. A lot of these women would constantly bash their husbands and run up the credit card to "get back at him" and that just wasn't my style. Some of these women would talk down to me, because I was so young and it was very rare that anybody would take my advice or experience seriously. I decided to stick it out for a little while, I was bound to find some nicer Moms in the group. I did, eventually, find a group that wasn't so clique-y and did end up making one very good friend! Well, the group was growing rapidly and it came to a point where the group had to split into 2 chapters. My Aunt and I were in different chapters and after the split my e-mail was inundated with women bashing my Aunt... Constantly!! I tolerated it to a point, but after a while I had had enough! So, I sent an e-mail out reminding people that she is my aunt and that the group was supposed to be a "support" group for moms. Well, that, as you can imagine, fueled the fire. I was essentially black listed, I would walk into the room and everybody would roll their eyes and turn their backs to me. Very mature!

So, I quit the club and as soon as I did, my email was, again, inundated with nasty hate mail. I had one woman tell me that I better hope she doesn't see me at the Zoo... Several women told me that "nobody ever liked me anyway"... and this went on and on. I told them all that I thought it was ironic that I was the youngest mom in the group, but they all seem to still be in High School! It was a sad, but hilarious experience! I felt like I was watching some stupid teen movie, but with grown-ass women!

Must Wear Pearls

I am the parent of a two year old boy. Last summer we attempted to join a local play group. The group is run by a president, vp, sect, treasurer, etc, etc. New mamas were allowed one free visit and if they decided to join there was an annual fee. No I'm not kidding. I didn't know play groups were like that, but who am I to judge?

So on the morning of our invitation only play group I dragged my little guy out of the house and drove to the house of a woman I'd never met. I arrived, late I might add, and found a note on the door directing all mama's to enter and make their way to the playroom in the basement. I gathered all my will power and opened the door. Calling out as I did as not to be shot by some over protective husband. An answer came in the form of a very well put together lady at the back of the house. You know the type, not a hair out of place, no cheerio dust on her clothes, wearing heels and I kid you not, pearls! She welcomed me in even though my hair was thrown in a pony tail and I was covered in cheerio dust and there was surely milk in my left flip-flop. After introductions were made she showed me to the playroom. Here I came face to face with at least three other mamas in pearls. All had children about the same age as mine and all were in their early to mid 20's. I am 35.

After introducing myself and my son to the group they promptly turned their heads and resumed the conversation they were having before I came in. I, in turn followed my little guy around to make sure he didn't break anything or hurt himself or another child. As he played I tried time and time again to interject myself into the conversation the other mama's were having, to no avail. I received eye rolls, cold shoulders, and even a sigh at one point.

Other mama's had also arrived, after me, and were new to the group that day as well. SCORE! I thought. I can maybe find a friendly person in the new mama's. WRONG. Same cold shoulder, same damn sigh! OK, whatever, this was for my little guy, not me. He needed to socialize so I would just ignore the mama's and be there for him and let him play with the other kids.

Then I caught part of a conversation between two current mama's and a new mama. This is as verbatim as I remember.

M1: Oh, so there are two Amelia's in the group!

M2: NO! No. *sigh* My daughter is Amelia with an "A" and her daughter is Emelia with an "E" they are different names! {condescending smile}

I'm not even getting into the talk about husbands not meeting needs by not providing full time maid and nanny service to these stay at home moms so that hair, nail and other spa appointments could be scheduled weekly.

That was my cue to leave.

A few days later I received an email from the host asking how I liked the group and for my credit card # to pay the annual dues to join the group. Um, no thanks.

My husband have a running joke about the Amelia's.

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