Do people not drive cars anymore? I pulled up to the pick-up line at preschool yesterday and there wasn't a single, actual car. They were all SUVs, crossovers and the occasional van. Come on, 67 vehicles in the lot and every last one of us needs off-road capability? Let me tell you the most rugged terrain my swagger wagon has ever tackled: a gravel parking lot when we went to the circus in Wisconsin. What's wrong with us?! I'm not over here discovering the outback. Dude, I have a roof rack and nothing to put on my roof. My friend said a roof rack was like hair for your car. Is that why we're doing this? Because I know wheels are shoes. I also cannot explain why I wear yoga pants and don't do yoga. What next, a hockey mask as formal attire? Maybe I should wear cleats to bed.
Speaking of swagger wagons, I'm sorry, I know it's old, but I still can't get enough of the Swagger Wagon video and its new British incarnation for Fiat. I might just like it because the swagger mom is thick in the middle and big on schnoz - all of my best qualities! So I relate. Also, half the videos are dedicated to children peeing and that's my day. But it's a professional effort by paid actors. Deception! So where real muthafathas at? Where are the rap videos uploaded to YouTube by real familes who throw (backgammon) dice in their spare time? I'm glad you asked. Right here.
Here are the best rap videos starring real families.
First, we have to pay homage to the original. Here is a real family's remake of the classic that started it all:
If you like it then you shoulda put a thing on it, sings this 38-week-pregnant redhead. Beyonce, who?
Which leads us to the burning question, Whose House? This mom's house.
Lastly, because I guess we're smokin' kronoligical in this piece, here's Granny G telling the boys about baby making.