Adult ideas for the Elf on the Shelf

Our perennial foe, The Elf, is back. This year he didn't "arrive" until St. Nick's Day and if I were smart, I wouldn't trot him out until a week before Christmas. Last year I was a real gung-ho idiot to introduce him the day after Thanksgiving. That was like 28 days of near-misses, forgetfulness, Elf-hiding-equivalent-of-writer's block and finally boredom. I guess we're just not appreciative Elf types. This year by the third day of having to find the sucker every morning, my deadpan four-year-old is like, are you serious right now? Maybe next year we'll wait until Christmas Eve.

All my creative ideas for the Elf are just .  . .  inappropriate. Last year I wrote a post with some good old fashioned drankin' and whorin' activities for your Elf on the Shelf. Sure, we had our fun with knives and mocking The Cure, but this year, I'm more refined. I'm a north shore lady now, so I must approach Elf ennui with genteel grace. Adjust your ascot and monocle and let's get this bitch started.

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Filed under: Grinch the season

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