When were you cool? 1994?

When the whistle blows at 8:00 PM, sometimes the hubs and I like to crack open a bottle and watch stupid movies. Hey, I can only take so many documentaries about corn and public school before I want to shoot myself in the face. Enter: Hot Tub Time Machine! So we settled in the other night and in case you don't know, this film is about a hot tub time machine. Four dudes go for a weekend at a run down ski lodge where they had partied in 1986 and magically get transported back to said party and shenanigans ensue.

A few times during the movie we hit the pause button and talk.

Wine + HHTM =

Me: When were you the coolest? I mean, before I came along to ruin your life.

Him: Probably 1994.

Me: If you could go back to 1994 with no consequence, would you party your face off?

Him: No, I'm not really like that. I had fun working. [Sound of a balloon deflating]

Me: I was the coolest in like 2004. I mean, not that I would change anything because it led me to you and our kids and these rad yoga pants sitting on this sofa sectional heading to the suburbs, but I'd probably do a lot of cocaine.

Him: What?

Me: Yeah. Why didn't I ever have a cocaine phase?

Him: Because you're not a skank.

Me: Yeah, but that's real life where there are diseases and consequences. I mean if I was in some kind of hot tub time machine dream where I was young and free, where I knew my future was set and everything would be fine as soon as I woke up. Maybe in some parallel universe I would have had a skank phase. Or gone to law school. I really regret that.

Him: You can still go to law school.

Me: Meh. Too expensive and then I'd have to work all the time. Just saying. Remember when I was hot? And I thought I was a fat?

Him: You'll always be beautiful to me.

Me: You're such a schmoop.


But seriously guys, when were you cool? Obviously a youth spent worrying about the future paid off because it all worked out (so far), but maybe I could have been a little crazier. Or more studious. I always found myself in interesting situations, but I'd be the one like, "no thanks, there's a history of mental illness in my family. I don't think acid is a good idea" and, "Sorry, I have to work early". Not that I haven't been a borderline functioning wino since 10th grade, I'm just saying. If you had a hot tub time machine to bring you back to your coolest year, what would you do?

I would have streaked. More often.

Filed under: Memory Lane, Mom Body


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