An e-card is floating around the internets that declares, "Of course I'm a good mother. They're still alive, aren't they". LOLZ. I mean, we may abandon our 19 kids in a heat wave or give our toddlers beer in a sippy cup or leave them in crashed cars to get ice cream naked but hey, the kids lived! Chuckle, chuckle, snort. Let's stop to think for a second where the humor lies here. First, merely keeping kids alive is a pretty low bar to set under normal circumstances and secondly, what about the extremely good mothers who have tragically lost children? I happen to know a few of them and to imply a "good mother" is based on keeping one's child alive, well, that's pretty hurtful not to mention untrue. Some of the best moms I know have held their dying children in their arms.
The people circulating this card do so with good intentions, unaware of the hurtful implications, and most of them doing so publicly are civil about removing it once they realize the faux pas. But some people? They bring the cruelty. Here is a comment my friend, who's daughter has a delicate heart condition, got from a mother who thought the card's one-dimensional humor was a regular George Carlin monologue:
"don't listen to rubbish... [the e-card objector] obviously [has] no sense of humor and no friends"
"I dont know you, I don't know about your situation and quite frankly it does not concern me one bit... Leave me out of your postings, I found [the e-card circulator's] posting humorous [...] I'm sorry for your situation but I'll be damned if someone I don't know or have ever met is going to try to make me feel bad about a simple posting that was ONCE AGAIN suppose to be funny and harmless..."
Her kids are alive though! Give her a gold star!
On a serious note, I know most of us are doing our best. This card speaks to the nerves in us moms because it usually feels like our best isn't good enough. It's going to get to 103 degrees today and this will make for the third day in a row my kids have stayed inside most of the day and watched movies. I don't feel like the grand champion mom myself right now. So probably, you're a kick ass mom no matter how many of your kids are still living.
Let's just put a little of that "best" energy into being cool to other moms.