Archive for June 2012

If you might die next week (and you might), read this.

Dying is for other people, right? I used to think of getting pregnant as a thing that only happened to other people too, until it happened to me. Now that I’ve had a flash with death (okay, what I thought might have been death as I struggled to remain conscious in my home yesterday before... Read more »

Parents: You too, can be teacher's pet

Hi, it’s summer. What’s everyone’s favorite topic? SCHOOL. Right? Come on, nerd moms, let’s look to the year ahead and get excited about sending our kids off to pre-K or college or whatever it is they do with their time. Some of us are moving this summer and getting excited for the next phase of... Read more »

Bullying: How to prevent it

My family spent the past few days locked offline in a cabin in the woods. We breathed in nature, swam, played tennis, saw a goat, pushed the girls on swings and got spooked at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Ah, the Dells. Our wholesome annual tradition of posing as boozy gangsters After three days of... Read more »
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Don't rush the macaroni.

My little girls and I had our weekly lunch date at Target today. They each get a macaroni, I get a latte and we people watch. Today I learned my lesson that the “people” they are watching is me. Bee was dawdling, so in a moment of fear against the pee-pee/meltdown clock I said, “come... Read more »

Father's Day in an estranged family

Every time I smell beef and onions cooking I think of my dad. He used to make a pot roast on Sundays which to my kid self, was like a big bucket of perfectly good potatoes stunk up with unnecessary meat juice. But still, the house felt so warm and comfy when it simmered. You’d... Read more »

Creepy iPad app lets kids accessorize with booze

I was out on official business the other day* when I got an email from our family iPad of some boozy cartoon mermaids. Apparently when a user finishes creating glitzy underwater mer-fashions using the  ”Dress Up! Mermaid!” app, she has the option of emailing the fruits of her labor to her parents. First, my three-year-old... Read more »
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Man who kills daughter's molester: Hero! [UPDATED]

A man on a farm in Texas was working when he heard the screams of his four-year-old child coming from the barn. When he rushed to find her, he discovered a ranch hand in the act of molesting her. Naturally, he pulled the man off of his child. Then beat him. To death. No charges... Read more »

Policing your spouse's diet - NO ICE CREAM FOR YOU!

I’m fancying that I saved my husband from certain fatness last night. After getting home from a 90-degree day spent yukking it up at the Midsommerfest, he wanted to go grab some ice cream for himself. Reasonable. A spot for scoops is a block away, so I figured he’d walk the mission while I babysat... Read more »

The skinny on my Lipo procedure [PHOTOS!]

So . . . this economy. In the crapper, right? Unemployment, foreclosures, gas prices. What about world hunger? Okay, now let’s get to my underdog story about how I had a pesky glob of fat removed from my abdomen in an elective surgery. Woe is me, that fat was buggin’! I’m trying really hard to... Read more »
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Ban on tanning beds? Chicago votes Wednesday

Sometimes I’m up for a good ole’ fashioned banning, (we must control the population for the FUTURE!) but other times, bans make me want to bring the slut walk to schools. (Imagine, the indignation of people telling other people what to do! RAGE.) Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. So let’s discuss this ban... Read more »