I'm livid right now. Naturally, the answer is to blog it out, presumably to an audience who will call me a jobless [DELETED] in need of rhinoplasty. But let's begin!
It seriously pains me to throw food away. Uneaten produce has to turn black in my refrigerator in order to get a trash pass. (Think of the soup stock it could make! Think of the apocalypse when rotten food might be better than nothing!) I can't even describe what I feel as pain when I see fresh food covered in coffee grounds and eggshells. Putting perfectly good food in the garbage is acid-under-the-eyelids level of discontent for me. At least at a restaurant, I imagine freegans are finding the food and making use of it, but at home, where trash will sit in my kitchen for three days before making its way to the alley, throwing away fresh food is a sin. It's one of the worst things you could do to me besides
throwing away paper harming my children.
Tonight Niko and I had a late pasta dinner. I wasn't really hungry, so I just picked at mine. It was a delicious sun dried tomato sauce over penne. We cracked open the wine, our tempers flared over some perceived injustice. That's how we do things, by the way. We get into heated arguments over what verb our boss used six years ago when describing a scene about a car deal. Then we declare our love for one another and find new topics to debate passionately. Is it letting Dubya off lightly by calling him a puppet? Is telling the truth important if no one gets hurt? Why is no one saying Snooki is a bitch for calling Jessica Simpson fat? THESE ARE IMPORTANT.
Sometime during all of this for some reason Niko did the honors of clearing the dishes. Sorry, feminists, but this is usually my job. I like to take the picked-apart plates to the kitchen and sneak a few extra bites in as I wrap it up for lunch tomorrow. I don't care if it's a kernel of popcorn that fell into some mustard, I'm taking a lick tonight and eating it tomorrow. Yes, I have had food poisoning like five times, but if I'm making the call about whether or not leftovers are poisonous, 90% of the time "it's still good" is sage wisdom. I'm saying usually I don't get sick and that's enough of a success rate for me. Sue me. Plenty of people do.
About ten minutes ago I went in search of these leftovers. The Colbert Report made me hungry. But guess where I discovered my dinner? In the blasphemous maw known as the kitchen trash! My dinner! Gone! In the trash!
After my head became unscrewed from my body and shot out laser beams and sparks as it flash danced around the kitchen in a fit of indignant rage, I composed myself enough to give a visual demonstration. You see this box of Triscuits? It retails for $5. Throwing my dinner in the trash and thus forcing me into another option, such as this box of crackers, is literally like taking $5 and stuffing it in the garbage!
Niko said, "hey, they were leftovers anyway. How many times can you reheat the same noodle? There is a finite capacity for reheating a nutrient."
Damn if that dude doesn't have a point. I still say Cheney catches the brunt of blame for the Dubya administration just because he's ugly. But touché on the noodles, hubby. I married a smart man.
REEET! That was the sound of me screwing my head back on. Good night.