Quick, call the caterer. I want two dozen lady fingers, roasted nuts, crabby crab cakes and tell the bartender to stock plenty of bloody mary mix, we're going to have a hootenanny in 2022. Why are we partying you may ask? First, we never need a reason and second, Period Parties are all the rage. Apparently over-celebratory parents are inviting the neighborhood over to usher their pre-teens into womanhood.
I'd like to blame self-important, post-career, stay-at-home-mom types like myself because we're usually to blame for everything, but I have a hunch this is more popular in homes with female heads of household. We'll get to that in a bit. But first let's PARTY! Bring out the heating pads!
Let's take this all the way and plan the shindig:
1. Decor. I'm thinking lady flower and cherry blossom* centerpieces and dark colored table skirts with a sweater tied around them.
2. Favors. This one is easy. Stylish tween purses filled with Sylvia Plath books and zit cream.
3. Cake. Red velvet topped with this rad vagina cake topper from Etsy. Natch.
Oh, who am I kidding. I couldn't possibly do as good of a job as Menearch Parties R Us. Which is a real company. I give up.
Back to who's having these parties. There must be some cultural thing I'm missing. I see in the pitch from this company that it's about mothers, grandmothers and aunts talking about womanhood to the new initiate but that's just not really a thing in the American life that I know. We're supposed to learn the facts of life from a video at school, move out at 18, backpack across Europe until we run out of money, then follow the job market however far from home it takes us. Staying close enough to your children to see your granddaughters off to the world of maxi pads and talking about "aunt flo" with your actual aunt (possibly named Flo!) seems kind of . . . quaint?
But it must be happening somewhere because check out this "pin the ovaries on the uterus" game for the whole family to enjoy.
I hope this doesn't end up being a commentary on people of a certain socio-economic status, because if it takes a period party to raise the self-esteem of young girls with hurdles in their future, then amen. I just remember when my mom handed me concealer in front of The Cool Girls. I wanted to claw her eyes out. Throw me a period party and lose your life, ma. Can any child possibly enjoy this?
*very tempted to say ragweed and pussy willows. Too much! Too much!
Filed under: Freeks